


Illusion of Truth

by Miko



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-20
Updated: 2007-08-31
Packaged: 2017-10-21 10:21:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/224115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miko/pseuds/Miko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanda is starting to wonder if there is a 'real' Lavi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The city of Mafeking wasn't under siege now and hadn't been for almost two months, but the scars left behind by the war were still obvious. In other areas of the Transvaal the battles raged on, mostly guerrilla warfare now, but here the British had reigned supreme.

Their victory was evidenced mostly by the large number of men in red British uniforms who marched through the town and around its vicinity. Lord Baden-Powell had no intention of allowing the Boer fighters to lay siege to the city again.

Kanda couldn't have cared less who won the battles, or even what the war was about. If he'd known there was a war going on in this area of Africa, he'd have avoided it. Then again, it wasn't as if he had anywhere else to go or anything better to do, so maybe he wouldn't have.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and tried not to attract the attention of the soldiers. It was hard to stay unobtrusive when he was the only Asian for miles around, though. The black labourers stared at him as he went by, and the white townsfolk weren't any more subtle about it. The soldiers gave him suspicious looks, but he ignored them all with the haughty disdain he reserved for - well, just about everything, really.

The feel of Mugen slung across his back under the dark trench coat was comforting, though he was starting to wish he'd carried it at his hip today instead. It would have been a lot more obvious to the suspicious soldiers there, but he wouldn't have needed to remove his jacket to draw it. Bitterly he wished for the days when he could carry it openly, the symbol of the Black Order on his jacket proclaiming his right to do so. It still seemed odd not to wear the distinctive black and white uniform, even two years after the Order had disbanded.

Shrill screams rose from an alley nearby, and Kanda tensed. So did all the soldiers nearby, their hands going nervously to their guns or blades. After a moment Kanda forced himself to relax. Whatever was going on, it wasn't _his_ problem. The only thing he was worried about was finding a place to stay the night.

More screams came, but these ones were distinctly male and sounded far more panicked. Rifles fired, and every soldier in sight started running towards the alley. For just a moment Kanda was relieved that they at least weren't eying him any more.

Then the sounds of gunfire increased, and over it came a distinctive noise he'd never thought he would hear again. The canons of Akuma made a sound unlike any gun or rifle Kanda had ever encountered, and no Exorcist could possibly mistake it. Spinning on one heel, Kanda stared in the direction of the gunshots in disbelief.

An Akuma? Here? How could that be possible? They'd all been destroyed along with the Earl and Noah's Clan, two years ago. At least, so everyone left alive in the Order had believed. And a good thing, too, considering how very, very few Exorcists had remained after that final, devastating battle.

But apparently at least one Akuma had survived. Cursing, Kanda shrugged out of his jacket and drew Mugen. He ran towards the alley after the soldiers, trailing his fingers over the edge of the blade as he went. "Innocence, activate!" he shouted, and the dull black blade turned to shining silver fire.

It had been too long since he'd last activated it, he realized as the feel of the power swept over him. He'd forgotten how compelling it was, how it crashed over him and lifted him up until he felt like he was drunk on the sheer power of it. He laughed, a sound that held little mirth and promised chaotic destruction for the Akuma ahead of him.

Skidding around the corner, he nearly crashed into the backs of the soldiers who had stopped there. The British troops were shouting in terror and confusion, firing uselessly at the looming monster that floated just above the ground. Already two men were writhing on the ground covered in pentacles, and Kanda could see the dusty remains of at least three more.

"Move!" he shouted, frustrated by the men between him and his target. He didn't know how there could possibly be an Akuma here, after all this time, but he certainly knew that nothing the soldiers could do would even put a dent in it. The power of Mugen sang in his blood, but he couldn't use it until he had a clear path. The Order wasn't around to protect him from the consequences of accidentally killing people along with the Akuma he was targeting.

Far from getting out of his way, some of the idiots actually turned their guns on _him_ , assuming he was a new threat. "You!" one of them barked. "I don't know what sort of new trick this is, but you..." he paused, and stared at Kanda. "Hey, you're not a Boer."

"No, I'm an Exorcist, now get out of my damned way," Kanda snarled. The Akuma turned towards them, energy building at the end of its canons, and Kanda grabbed the man by the sleeve and physically hauled him out of the path of fire.

He was just barely in time, as the glowing purple 'bullets' carved a path into the wall where they'd been standing moments before. Two more soldiers were caught by the edges of the fire, and fell to the ground screaming and writhing. In seconds the pentacles began to appear on their skin, and Kanda knew they were as good as dead.

He couldn't save the ones who were already hit, but he could at least stop the Akuma from doing any more damage. "Out of the way!" he demanded again, slashing Mugen through the air to clear the space before him. The soldiers hastily dove to the sides, more to avoid the sharp blade than because they were obeying him, but it didn't matter why they moved. All that mattered was that he finally had a clear path to the Akuma.

The monster was just as hideous as he'd remembered them to be. Swollen and grotesque, its mask-like face twisted in a permanent expression of horror, it looked like something out of a nightmare. The guns bristling from every surface almost pushed it over the edge from horrifying to ridiculous, unless you knew just how much destructive power they were capable of.

Kanda was certainly well aware of just what they were capable of, but he was also aware of its limits. Whether it had been two years or twenty since his last battle, the day a single first-level Akuma was a challenge for him was the day they'd be chanting a sutra over his body.

Snarling, Kanda pushed off the ground with all his strength, leaping high to try to get above it. Realizing what he was doing, the Akuma tried to dodge, but it was far too slow. With three swift strokes of his blade, Kanda carved the twisted perversion of life into pieces.

The cuts were so swift and clean that for a moment the body held together. His feet had hit the ground again before the Akuma realized it was dead. With a shriek of protest, it slowly fell apart and then exploded.

Having expected that Kanda had braced himself for the shock, but the remaining soldiers were all knocked off their feet. Blinking rapidly to clear his eyes of the afterimage, Kanda held Mugen at the ready as he scanned the narrow alley. Where there was one Akuma, there were often more. At least, that had been the case in the past, but he still wasn't sure how even one Akuma had managed to survive this long. It couldn't have been recently created, could it?

The thought made a chill run down his spine. The Earl was dead, he was certain of that much. The Ark had been destroyed. There shouldn't be any way for new Akuma to be created. No, surely it had to be a survivor, one lone Akuma that had either escaped the battle or hadn't made it there in the first place.

Surely.

Movement further into the alley drew his attention, and he lifted the sword a little higher. "Don't hit me!" a female voice exclaimed. A young girl edged out from behind a corner, her hands held high in the universal gesture of surrender and her eyes wide with fright. "Please, don't hurt me. Please!"

"I'm not going to hurt you," Kanda snapped at her, lowering Mugen slightly. But only slightly. Just because she looked human didn't mean she wasn't another Akuma in disguise. No Exorcist made _that_ mistake after their first battle, and his first battle had been a very long time ago. "What happened?"

"The soldiers were..." Her eyes flicked towards the remaining soldiers, just now picking themselves up off the ground, and she looked like a frightened rabbit. "They were f-flirting with me, saying... awful things. I've heard s-stories, about what they do to the girls, and I just wanted them to leave me alone, and then..." She was trembling, her voice going shrill, and Kanda winced. He hated dealing with hysterical females, damn it. "Then that m-monster burst out of one of them, and it k-killed the other one, and I ran and hid, and it killed the others that c-came..."

"It's dead," Kanda said shortly, not bothering to sugar-coat his words. "It can't hurt anyone now."

"Who are you?" one of the soldiers demanded. "What was that thing?" He raised his rifle in shaking hands, aiming it at Kanda. The rest of the soldiers in the alley were looking towards him for guidance, so Kanda assumed he was some sort of officer. He'd never bothered to learn the ranking structures of the various foreign militaries he'd encountered.

"It was an Akuma," Kanda told him, sliding Mugen back into its sheath. He didn't need his Innocence to deal with a bunch of overwrought human soldiers. None of them had attacked him and the girl remained just a girl, so chances were good there had only been the one Akuma. "They're killing machines, but I thought the last of them had been destroyed. That one must have escaped somehow. I'm an Exorcist of the Black Order, or I was before it disbanded."

He started to ask if there had been a lot of unexplained deaths recently, but stopped before the first word even left his mouth. With the city under siege and a guerrilla war going on out there, of course there had been people dying. They were just lucky the Akuma hadn't killed enough people under the cover of the war to reach its second level.

"You saved my life," the girl breathed out, her eyes shining now. Kanda winced. At least she'd stopped threatening to have hysterics, but the love-struck look wasn't any better. Why did females have to be so damned annoying?

"I didn't do it for you," he replied curtly. "I didn't even know you were there." Turning away from her, he glared at the soldier. "Can I go now, or are you going to shoot me for rescuing you? I'm not part of this stupid war of yours, I'm just passing through."

Slowly, the man lowered the rifle, looking uncertain. "I guess you can go," he agreed, but he didn't sound happy about it. Whether that was because he didn't like the idea of releasing an armed man or just because he was nervous that Kanda wouldn't be around to kill the next monster that showed up, it was hard to tell. And frankly, Kanda didn't care.

"Wait!" To his disgust, the girl ran after him. "Wait, please. You saved me, there must be something I can do for you." She trotted along at his side, undeterred by the stony glare he turned on her. "If you're a visitor to the town, do you have somewhere to stay? I'm Marysa van den Dool, my father runs a local inn. Most of the inns shut down because of the siege, there just weren't any customers. Putting you up is the least we can do for you."

Kanda considered it. She wasn't making calf eyes at him any more, at least, and it hadn't occurred to him that the war might have closed down the inns. "You've got space? Private rooms?" he asked. Many inns only had common rooms where customers could spread their bedding out, and he had no interest in sharing his space with strangers. Especially not if there were still Akuma around.

"Oh, yes," she nodded. "Only a few, but we haven't fared much better than the other inns. We've just got one old man and his apprentice staying with us right now, but they won't bother you at all. Bookman minds his own business, and... are you all right?"

Until she asked the question, Kanda didn't realize that he'd frozen in the middle of the street, staring at her. It took him a long moment to remember that he was supposed to breathe, and the first gasp of air burned painfully in his lungs.

"Bookman?" he repeated, certain he'd misheard her. Grabbing her by the upper arms, he shook her slightly and locked eyes with her. " _The_ Bookman? An old man, Oriental, with black circles around his eyes?"

"Y-yes," she stammered, clearly caught off guard by his sudden intensity. "You know him?"

Kanda felt like he was in shock, and he couldn't quite seem to process any thoughts from start to finish. If the idea of encountering an Akuma after all this time seemed impossible, then the thought of running into Bookman again was... ludicrous. The old man was _dead_ , one of the many, many casualties of that last horrible battle.

Too many good Exorcists had died that day. Too many men and women Kanda had fought beside, bled over, suffered with. Too many of the bodies had never been recovered, or destroyed past all hope of recognition. Bookman had been unaccounted for, but his Innocence had been found among the carnage. That alone had caused the Order to conclude that the old man had been one of the casualties.

"You said he had an apprentice, what..." Kanda trailed off, struggling for control. It felt like his heart was in his throat, threatening to choke him. Lavi had been with his master that day, and his hammer had been found near Bookman's needles. But if Bookman was still alive, then...

Nobody in the Order had known that Kanda and Lavi had been sleeping together. They'd kept it secret, and Kanda had never admitted even to himself how important the redhead had become to him. 'Fucking' was all he'd ever allowed himself to consider it, just a way to relieve a physical need for both of them. Emotion had played no part in it, or so he'd told himself. It was only when he'd thought it was too late that he'd been forced to acknowledge how big a piece of his heart had died with the other Exorcist.

"Trey? What about him?" Marysa asked. "He doesn't say much, he's kind of shy and very quiet. Do you know him, too?"

Slowly, painfully, Kanda's racing heart began to slow again. Even without the unfamiliar name, he'd have known it couldn't be Lavi. 'Shy' and 'quiet' were two words that would _never_ be used to describe the boisterous redhead. Bookman seemed to have survived somehow, but it had been too much to hope for that it meant Lavi was all right as well.

Hell, it might not even be the same Bookman. For all Kanda knew there were dozens of them out there, all little old men painted to look alike. "No, I don't know him," he said gruffly, releasing her abruptly. "I knew a man called the Bookman once, but his apprentice was named Lavi. He's dead."

"I'm sorry," Marysa apologized awkwardly, apparently sensing it was a sore subject. Even more annoyed that his pain was showing so obviously to a stranger, Kanda forced his expression back under control.

"It's nothing," he insisted, starting to walk again. "Though I'd like to talk to this Bookman."

"Well, he and Trey are usually out doing things during the day, but they'll be back in time for supper," she told him uncertainly.

"That's fine," Kanda said, and set his mouth in a grim line. He had questions for Bookman, if it was the same man, but they could all wait.

After a few minutes she pointed across the street, where a battered wooden sign hung over a door, proclaiming the building to be the Golden Ewe. It was painted with a yellow creature that might have looked like a sheep, if you squinted at it just right. "That's our inn," she told him, turning to cross the road. "It's not much, but it's ours. I've helped my father run it since my mother died two years ago." Her mouth twisted. "This war has taken a lot from us, all of us."

Kanda grunted, hoping she'd take that as both an answer and a sign that he wasn't interested in sympathizing with her. The concerns of this town were not his, and the last thing he wanted was to have her start weeping at him or something. He had more than enough problems of his own, he didn't need to play the bleeding heart and start taking on other people's problems, too.

As far as Kanda was concerned, the theory that 'pain shared is pain halved' was bullshit. The only thing pain ever created was more pain, in his experience.

Whether she'd understood his unsubtle attempt to deflect her or simply didn't want to talk about it either, she thankfully dropped the subject. "Would you like something to eat?" she asked as she opened the door for him. "I was going to start dinner as soon as I got home, but I can make something small if you're hungry now."

Inside the inn was more inviting than it had looked from the outside, and Kanda realized that at least some of the outside damage must have been recent, as a result of the war. The rooms were worn-looking but well cared for, clean and bright. A delicious smell hung in the air, and Kanda was suddenly aware that he _was_ hungry.

"If it's not any trouble," he answered, reverting to automatic politeness. Some habits were hard to break, and it didn't cost him anything to be polite for the moment. He was a guest in her house, after all. He could always go back to being an asshole if she threatened to make calf eyes at him again.

She smiled. "It's no trouble at all. Have a seat," she gestured at the two trestle tables that had been set up in the small 'common room'. "I'll be right back with food, it smells like Papa has already started making dinner. Papa!" she raised her voice, and headed towards the door that must lead to the kitchen. "I'm home, and I've got company!"

"Welcome home, Marysa!" The soft voice that came back didn't sound like it belonged to a man old enough to be her father. Kanda frowned, the sound of it tickling at the edge of his memory. Why did it sound vaguely familiar to him? He'd never been in this area of the world before.

"Oh! Trey!" she exclaimed, her face lighting up. "You're here after all. Come out here, he wants to meet you and Bookman." She paused in the doorway and turned back to Kanda. "I'm sorry, I never even asked what your name was!"

"I'm..." Kanda started, but the words caught in his throat as someone appeared in the doorway behind her.

The man was relatively tall, dressed casually in brown cotton pants and a white linen shirt. His bright red hair was cut to fall around his face in messy layers, almost hiding the dark patch that covered one eye. There was something about the shape of his features that suggested he wasn't as purely European as the red hair and remaining green eye claimed, though.

Kanda knew that face, knew it as intimately as he knew his own. Maybe more so. He'd spent far too many hours watching it, secretly memorizing every expression that crossed it, waking or sleeping. He'd dreamed of it night after night for the last two years, tortured by the thought that he would never see it again. "Lavi?" he croaked, and his voice cracked on the name.


	2. Chapter 2

For a moment, impossibly, Kanda thought he had to be mistaken; that he'd somehow found an identical twin he'd never known Lavi had. The features were right, but the expression was wrong. Too soft, too young, with a shy little smile that was nothing like the broad grin he knew. Even the body language was wrong, gentle and uncertain where Lavi had always been brash and bold. If not for the otherwise perfect resemblance, Kanda would have thought 'younger brother' instead of 'twin'.

But the visible green eye widened when the man looked back at him, and the shocked recognition in his face was clear. " _Yuu_?" the redhead blurted out, obviously equally startled to see him.

Then dismay chased the surprise out of his expression, and the other man frowned. "Aw, shit," he cursed, rubbing one hand over his face. "Damn it, not _now_ ," he muttered, barely loud enough for Kanda to hear him. "Not like this!"

"Lavi." This time Kanda was certain of it when he said the name, though he still couldn't figure out how it was possible. "It _is_ you. Why..."

He hesitated, looking at the girl who was staring at them both with wide eyes. This was personal, private, not something he wanted to share with strangers.

Apparently catching Kanda's mood, or sharing it, Lavi turned to her with an uncharacteristically timid smile. "Marysa, I'm sorry, could you give us a few minutes alone?" he asked.

Hearing him speak almost made Kanda doubt himself again. Lavi had always slurred his words in a careless way, speaking with a casual disregard for formality and a harsh edge to his voice. Now that edge was all but gone and he spoke more like Allen would have, soft and polite.

"Is everything okay, Trey?" Marysa asked, doubtful.

"Yes, it's fine," Lavi assured her. He touched her lightly on the shoulder, and that was the wrong gesture, too; from Lavi something like that should have been flirtatious, even lascivious, but there was no hint of lust behind the touch. Kanda was seriously beginning to believe he'd fallen asleep and this was all just a very bizarre dream.

"It's just been a while since we've seen each other, that's all," Lavi continued earnestly. "We've got a lot of catching up to do, and some of it's personal. Anyway I started dinner for you and somebody should probably be watching to make sure it doesn't burn."

"Well, if you're sure," she replied, not looking happy about it.

"I'm sure," Lavi said. "Um, if you see Bookman, though, could you please tell him that an old friend has come to visit? He'll understand what I mean." She nodded reluctantly, but when he stepped out of her way she went obediently into the kitchen.

Only when she was out of sight did Lavi look at Kanda again, his expression wary. "Thank you for waiting until she was gone," he murmured, gesturing for Kanda to move further into the common room where they could speak without being overheard.

Kanda didn't budge, still trying to handle the shock he'd received. "I thought you were dead," he finally said, his voice coming out more harshly than he'd intended it to.

Lavi winced visibly, and for some reason that made Kanda feel a little better. "Yeah, well, that's what you were supposed to think," he said.

The words seemed to jolt Kanda's brain back into motion, but he didn't like the direction he found his thoughts heading in. "You left your Innocence behind." He still wasn't quite able to comprehend the idea. There was no way he could walk away from Mugen, just no way. Not only would it mean leaving himself vulnerable, it would be like chopping off his own arm and discarding it. It was a piece of him, and he couldn't imagine _any_ Exorcist willingly discarding their Innocence.

"Of course we did," Lavi replied wearily. "If we'd taken it with us the Order would never have stopped searching for it, and eventually they'd have found us." The ghost of his old smile crossed his lips. "I think that may be the one thing in his entire life the old panda regrets, though. I almost thought he wouldn't be able to do it. I've never seen him hesitate like that before."

"You... deliberately let us all think you were both dead," Kanda stated, trying to make the facts fit in his brain. "You just walked away, and left us to assume the worst."

"That's the way it works, Yuu." There was a hint of sadness deep in Lavi's green eye. "We're Bookmen. The battle we'd come to observe was over. We moved on to the next battle."

"And it never occurred to you that some of us might appreciate knowing you were still alive?" Kanda asked incredulously. "That it might upset people to think you were dead?" Lenalee had been wracked with guilt and grief over all the casualties, and Allen had mourned the fallen in his own quiet way. But Lavi's death had hit them hardest of all, because they'd worked most closely with him. And Kanda... Kanda had been devastated, though he'd refused to let anyone know it.

"It's easier this way," Lavi had the gall to answer. "It lets people have closure, and..."

Kanda had his fist wrapped in the redhead's shirt before he was even aware he'd intended to move. He slammed Lavi back against the wall hard enough to bruise the taller man. "Easier for who?" he snarled, furious. "After everything we'd been through, everything we were to each other, you thought you could just walk away and it would be _easier_? Do you have any idea what I've gone through for the last two years, thinking you were dead?"

Emotions chased each other across Lavi's face; regret, sorrow, grief. Finally he seemed to settle on anger. "No, I don't," he snapped back, scowling. He grabbed Kanda's shoulder in turn, his hand closing tightly enough to turn the knuckles white and probably leave bruises behind. "I don't, because you never gave me any reason to, did you? You worked fuckin' hard to make it clear that there was nothin' between us but lust! Don't blame me now for thinkin' y'wouldn't be upset that I was gone!"

Taken momentarily aback, Kanda stared at him. That hurt, mostly because it was true. Kanda had refused to admit even to himself that there was anything beyond physical need in their relationship. Then again, that knife cut both ways. "Yeah, well, you never gave me any indication that you wanted it to be different," he snarled in return, his voice low and dangerous. "You were happy enough to fuck me in private, but gods forbid anybody else ever find out what we did behind closed doors."

"I know that, damn it!" There was regret lurking beneath the anger again in Lavi's expression. "Look, I ain't sayin' the blame is all yours, just that it ain't all mine! Fuck, Yuu, what d'you want me to say, huh? The old panda said it was time to go, and I went. Was I s'pposed to throw my life away on the off chance y'wanted more from me than you'd ever admitted?"

"You're being melodramatic," Kanda retorted. "I never said you should have 'thrown your life away', I'm just saying it would have been nice to know you weren't _dead_! Did you really think I was _that_ cold, that I wouldn't care? And what about Lenalee and Allen?"

"Didja ever give me a reason to think different?" Lavi shot back, glaring fiercely. "I did what I had to do, all right? Y'never once..."

"Trey!" Bookman's sharp voice cut right through their rising argument, and they both jumped. Kanda turned his head and saw the old man standing in the doorway to the kitchen, with Marysa hovering just behind him. She held one hand over her mouth and her eyes were wide and shocked; Bookman had his hands clasped in his sleeves, and he didn't look happy. Wincing internally, Kanda wondered just how much they'd overheard.

"What?" Lavi snapped back at him, and he shifted the glare from Kanda to Bookman, clearly irritated at being interrupted.

"You're slipping," Bookman informed him, his tone even but angry.

The words made no sense to Kanda, but Lavi looked incensed. "I am _n_..." The redhead broke off in mid-word, taking a deep breath and closing his eye. In the space of an instant his body language shifted, and he went from being rigid with emotion under Kanda's grip to being slumped meekly against the wall.

The change startled Kanda so much that he took an involuntary step back, lifting his hands away from the stranger he suddenly found himself confronting. Until that moment he hadn't realized that Lavi had been sounding and acting like himself again. It had been a gradual process, but the abrupt switch back was unnerving.

When Lavi opened his eye, his expression was abashed. "You're right, master, I was slipping," he said softly, politely. He actually _bowed_ , a respectful gesture Kanda had never seen him make towards Bookman. "Forgive me."

Bookman grunted, seeming appeased but still not happy with his heir. "I'll let it go this once, only because this is the first time you've encountered someone you knew from a previous record. Don't let it happen again."

"I won't, master," Lavi promised humbly. "Thank you." He straightened, and gave Marysa an embarrassed smile. "Marysa, I'm sorry you had to hear all that. Er, how much _did_ you hear?"

"Just the very end," she murmured, shaking her head. "I didn't want to eavesdrop, so I went out back until Bookman returned."

She reached out and took his hand, patting it gently like a parent reassuring a child, but the smile she gave him was anything but motherly. In that instant Kanda realized the girl had a bad crush on Lavi - but the redhead only smiled shyly back, instead of the bold flirting Kanda would have expected of him.

"Kanda." The sound of his name drew Kanda's attention away from the two of them, and he found Bookman giving him a level stare. "I'm surprised to see you in this corner of the world," the old man continued. "What are you doing here?"

"Nothing in particular," Kanda muttered, shrugging awkwardly. "I'm sorry I came, now." It hurt more than he'd thought it would have, to watch Lavi and Marysa together. It had never bothered him when Lavi flirted with Lenalee or any of the random women they'd encountered, and the redhead had been far more over-the-top about it back then. Maybe that was why, actually - Lavi had been _so_ theatrical that it had never seemed quite real, but this was more genuine. Or maybe it was just the indication that he'd obviously never really known Lavi at all that was bothering him.

"He saved my life," Marysa gushed, turning her adoring look on him. Compared to the mooning she'd just been doing over Lavi, though, it was nothing. Kanda couldn't decide if that made him relieved or even angrier. "The soldiers were harassing me again, and then this horrible monster burst out of one of them and started killing people! I thought I was going to die!"

Shock and dismay showed briefly on both Lavi and Bookman's faces, which at least told Kanda they hadn't been aware there was an Akuma in the vicinity. "An Akuma? After all this time?" Bookman murmured, frowning. "That's not good news. But it must have been a survivor. There cannot possibly be any new ones being created."

"You're certain?" Kanda demanded, and he did feel better when the old man nodded. He wasn't sure just how much he trusted the two Bookmen, knowing what he did now about the way they'd faked their own deaths and lied to the entire Order, but he was relatively certain Bookman wouldn't lie about this. What could he possibly gain from it?

"I hope it's the only one in the area," Lavi said uneasily. He made an aborted gesture as if he was reaching for something at his side, then clenched his fist. After a moment Kanda realized that he'd been reaching to the place where his Innocence had once been holstered, but of course it was locked away in the vault at the Vatican again.

Which meant Kanda was the only one of the three of them with the ability to fight an Akuma. No, Bookman definitely wouldn't gain anything from hiding something or someone who could be creating new Akuma. The two Bookmen were as helpless now as any other civilian. Bad enough to be unable to defend yourself, but it must be ten times worse when you knew you had only yourself to blame for it.

"I'm sure it is," Bookman shook his head. "We'd have heard about the deaths if there were any more around."

"Even with all the deaths happening because of the war?" Kanda countered. Bookman frowned as if he hadn't considered that.

"They could hide themselves fairly easily, if they were smart about it," Lavi commented softly. "But first levels aren't usually that subtle, are they? There would have to be someone giving the orders, either a second level or a Noah."

"The Noah were all accounted for at the final battle," Bookman said firmly. "I made certain of that much before I made the decision to move on. And while I can conceive that a single first level might not have been there, I can't imagine the Earl wouldn't have brought every second level he had to that battle."

"Um, excuse me?" Marysa piped up uncertainly. "What are you all talking about?"

Lavi gave her another reassuring smile, and after a moment Kanda managed to stop grinding his teeth. "We've seen things like that before, years ago," the redhead explained. "But we thought they'd all been destroyed. I guess one of them escaped, but if Kanda took care of it then we don't have to worry any more. It's okay, you're safe now."

It was sickening, that's what it was. Kanda couldn't stand looking at the two of them. He'd never seen Lavi be that... _sweet_ to anyone before. The jolt of hearing Lavi refer to him by his family name for the first time ever only added to the disorientation.

"I'm leaving," he declared abruptly. "I have no particular reason to be in Mafeking, so I have no reason to stay. Don't worry," he added sourly. "I won't tell anyone you're still alive. I don't see any reason to torment Lenalee and Allen with the fact that you willingly let them think you were dead."

Lavi actually flinched, but Bookman remained impassive. "Perhaps that is best," the old man agreed.

"No, you can't go!" Marysa exclaimed, dismayed. "It's getting late, the sun will be down soon. The British soldiers are nervous in twilight and darkness, because that's when the Boers tend to strike. They'll think you're a spy if you're outside the city in the evening."

"She's right, Kanda," Lavi agreed softly. "They're very trigger-happy right now, and they'll be suspicious of you just because you're not British. If they see your sword, they'll shoot first and ask questions later. You're better off waiting until morning to leave, now."

Scowling, Kanda shook his head. "Fine, then I'll stay somewhere else until then," he growled.

"But there isn't anywhere else," Marysa insisted. "I told you, most of the other inns have shut down because of the siege. We only were able to stay open because Bookman and Trey were here. And you saved my life, please, let me repay you somehow."

That stopped him, because a debt of honour meant something to Kanda and he understood why she would want to discharge it. If not for that, he'd have gone and found a park to sleep in, or something.

Of course, if the British soldiers were really that jumpy, they might take exception to him doing that, too. Kanda didn't particularly want to be shot as a spy, even if he could probably heal the damage. Which would only raise even more questions from the soldiers, questions he didn't want to have to answer. There might not be an Inquisition any more, but some people still believed in witches.

On the other hand, he didn't want to stay here with Lavi either. Unfortunately it did seem the lesser of two evils. He could just avoid the man for twelve hours or so, and then be on his way. "Fine," he gave in reluctantly. "I'll stay. Lavi..."

" _Trey_ and I will stay out of your way," Bookman interrupted him, giving him a significant look that was clearly a warning.

Kanda briefly debated refusing to play along, but finally decided it wasn't worth the confrontation. What difference did it make to him what name Lavi was using now? "Whatever," he agreed curtly. "I want nothing to do with either of you."

"Um. I'll just show you to your room, then?" Marysa asked uncertainly.

"Do that," Kanda nodded, and pushed past Lavi as if the other man wasn't even there. He told himself that he didn't care about the stricken expression on the redhead's face, or the hurt and regret lurking deep in the other man's eye. If Lavi hadn't cared about him enough to even apologize for letting Kanda spend two years thinking he was dead, then Kanda sure as hell wasn't going to admit to the feelings he'd realized he had for Lavi.

For that matter, he was starting to wonder if the man he'd reluctantly fallen in love with had ever really existed at all.


	3. Chapter 3

Trey was staring at him again.

He'd been doing it off and on all evening, though always indirectly. Never in such a way that it would be obvious to everyone, or so that Kanda could call him on it. But every time Kanda looked up, he'd catch Trey glancing hastily away or watching him through the shield of his long red bangs.

Given a choice, Kanda would have preferred to just take some food up to his room and eat there. But Marysa's father, Dirck van den Dool, had insisted on a small celebration to thank Kanda for saving his daughter. Dirck had a very forceful personality, and despite his firm intentions Kanda had found himself dragged along to the 'party' whether he liked it or not.

And, of course, it wouldn't have been much of a celebration without the presence of the other two guests of the inn. Kanda took a certain amount of morbid satisfaction from the fact that Bookman obviously wasn't any happier about the situation than Kanda was. The old man was watching Trey in much the same manner that Trey was staring at Kanda, but with a great deal more disapproval weighting his gaze.

Oddly, it had been easier than Kanda had expected it would be not to think of the redhead as 'Lavi'. Trey was _not_ Lavi. It was more than just acting, more than just simple differences of speech or body language. Kanda knew Lavi's quirks, the unconscious habits that no disguise could alter... and Trey didn't have them. He had his own quirks and habits instead.

It was damned creepy. Like watching someone else who had taken over Lavi's body. More than once he wondered if this was what it was like when an Akuma was wearing the skin of the person who'd called them, but he was at least reasonably certain that the only person Lavi would have cared about enough to call back was Bookman.

What made it even weirder was that every once in a while, Trey _would_ do something that said 'Lavi' to Kanda. He'd say something with the first edges of a slur on his words, or he'd make a wild gesture with his hands to emphasize a point. Bookman's glare tended to intensify whenever it happened, and Trey would stop watching Kanda for at least five minutes afterwards, so Kanda assumed it was another 'slip' and was somehow caused by his presence.

Apparently oblivious to the tension between the three former Exorcists, Marysa was happy to chatter away and fill the silence. Her favourite topic of conversation appeared to be Trey, which made the redhead blush almost constantly. Under other circumstances, seeing Lavi blush like a virgin was something Kanda would have paid money for, but as it was he just found it one more disturbing thing amongst many.

"...and then Trey stood up to the soldiers and glared them down, didn't you, Trey?" the girl asked, smiling happily at Trey. "He's so quiet and shy most of the time, you'd never think he had it in him, but he's been my own knight in shining armour. Of course," she turned her dimples across the table at Kanda, "this time you were the one that saved me! Careful, Trey, or you might lose your place in my affections!"

Trey glanced at Kanda, and for an instant there was a flash of pain deep in his gaze. Then he smiled gently back at her. "As long as you're safe, Marysa, that's the important thing. I don't mind taking the back seat."

She giggled, one hand over her mouth, and put her hand on his arm. Kanda clenched his hand around his fork and fought not to scowl at her too obviously. At least Trey wasn't really flirting back, though he wasn't doing anything to discourage her either.

"So, the three of you know each other well?" Marysa's father asked. "It's quite a coincidence that you'd run into each other here, of all places."

"We worked together off and on for a few years, some time ago," Bookman corrected him. "I wouldn't say we knew each other 'well'. Though it is surprising to meet here."

"Some of us knew each other better than others," Kanda murmured, glaring at Trey. "Then again, I'm starting to think maybe I didn't really know either of you at all."

Trey flushed again and dropped his eyes to his plate, picking listlessly at the food there. "Does anyone ever really know anyone else?" he asked softly. "Y'knew me as well as anyone ever has, Y... Kanda." He seemed to realize his slip in mid-sentence this time, and corrected himself hastily.

"Hmph." Kanda wasn't moved by the tentative peace offering, if that was what it was. He jabbed viciously at a piece of potato with his fork, hating that he still felt so awkward with European utensils. Then again, the fork worked much better as a tool to take out his aggression than chopsticks did. It was hard to satisfyingly stab rice grains.

He looked up, and this time he was surprised to find it was Marysa watching him instead of Trey. The look on her face wasn't entirely friendly, as if she'd just realized something about him she didn't like. She leaned closer to Trey and gripped his arm tighter. "Well, Trey's so shy, it's hard to get to know him," she said. "It took me forever to draw him out of his shell, didn't it?"

Trey shrugged and looked uncomfortable, flicking a glance at Kanda again as he tried to subtly loosen her hold on him. "I've never been good at letting people get close to me," he replied. She frowned and refused to relinquish her grip.

It took Kanda a moment to realize she was frowning at _him_ , and why. She was jealous, though frankly Kanda couldn't imagine what she would be jealous of. If she thought he was closer to Trey than she was, she was sadly mistaken.

"Are you certain you won't reconsider staying with us for a time?" Dirck asked Kanda, totally unaware of the undercurrents running around the table. "Surely you want to spend some time catching up with your friends. We certainly have the room, and given that you saved my daughter's life I'm certainly not going to charge you full price. You won't get anywhere near as good a deal anywhere else in the area."

"No, I'm not staying," Kanda said firmly. "I was only passing through to start with."

"We'll be sorry to see you go, won't we, Trey?" Marysa commented, though the words seemed less sincere than they had earlier. She was also watching Trey closely, probably trying to see how upset he was at the idea of Kanda leaving.

"Yeah," Trey nodded, meeting Kanda's gaze with his one good eye straight on for the first time that night. "Yeah, I will be. I'm just sorry we had to meet again under these circumstances."

His voice was somewhere between 'Trey' and 'Lavi', and there was a sort of wordless pleading in his eye, as if he was begging for Kanda's understanding or maybe forgiveness.

Well, if he was, he had a long wait ahead of him. Kanda just glared back at him. It would take a hell of a lot more than an apologetic look to make up for the two years of heartbreak and grief the other man had put him through. Maybe part of it _was_ Kanda's own fault for not recognizing his feelings earlier, but he still thought Lavi carried the greater part of the guilt in this mess.

"Sadly, life too often pulls people apart," Bookman put in his two cents, glaring at Trey again. The redhead subsided and dropped his gaze back to his plate, having apparently decided that was the only safe ground. "It's one of the hazards of a job that requires us to wander a great deal."

"I'm tired," Kanda declared abruptly, dropping his fork with a clatter and pushing back his chair to stand. He _was_ tired, but it had nothing to do with physical exhaustion. He was just sick of all the unspoken arguments going on beneath the polite formalities. "It's been a long day, and I'll be leaving early tomorrow. Please excuse me, and thank you for your hospitality," he added stiffly to Dirck, bowing in the Dutch man's direction.

"Sleep well, Kanda," Marysa called after him as he turned to stride out of the room. He didn't turn back to see whether her expression said the words were sincere or not.

Once in the room she'd given him, he threw himself down on the bed and folded his arms under his head, staring blankly up at the ceiling. He doubted he'd be getting much rest tonight, but it wouldn't be the first day he'd travelled on little or no sleep. His mind was in far too much turmoil to let him rest. At least, so he assumed, until he felt himself beginning to drift off. He didn't fight it, welcoming the oblivion of sleep to take him away from painful thoughts of the past.

His dreams were uneasy, a mixture of memories and fantasy, and he found himself returned to the battlefield where so many had died. Kanda hadn't been anywhere near the area Lavi and Bookman had fought in, but he'd often dreamed of their deaths over the last two years. Now, though, his imagination wasn't content with just forcing him to picture the many possibilities of Lavi's last moments.

He dreamed of his lover's corpse rising from where it had fallen, smiling at him with that too-familiar grin on a rotting face. It walked towards him, swelling and bursting through the skin until it was revealed as an Akuma. Kanda found himself pinned in place and unable to move as the monster powered up its weapons, its twisted death mask now showing Lavi's face with Trey's shy smile as it prepared to kill him.

Something jerked him abruptly out of the nightmare, and for a moment Kanda was lost in the twilight between dreams and reality. He flailed in the bed, aware that he was in the inn but still hearing that distinctive whine of power over the pounding of his heart.

Then he realized not all the pounding was a result of his heartbeat. "Yuu!" Lavi shouted. "Yuu, damn it, get your ass in gear already! Open th'damn door!"

Growling, Kanda rolled out of the bed and strode over to yank the door open, forcing the redhead to pull back sharply. "What?" he barked, but even as the word left his mouth he realized he didn't need to ask.

"Can't y'hear it?" Lavi demanded, gesturing towards the window at the end of the hall. Irregular flashes lit the night sky, and Kanda could hear distant screaming as well as the percussive shriek of an Akuma's cannons. Kanda could hear the edge of panic under the tight control in Lavi's voice, and the redhead was clenching and unclenching his right hand over his thigh where Oodzuchi Kodzuchi had once sat.

Kanda wasn't the only one who'd been woken by the pounding and shouting. "What's going on?" Marysa mumbled from her doorway, yawning. She looked delicate and ethereal in her white nightgown, her pale blond hair falling free around her face. Across from her, Dirck was half dressed in a nightshirt and trousers that had obviously be hastily pulled on.

"Another Akuma," Bookman replied from further down the hall. He looked grimly at Kanda. "It appears the one this afternoon was not alone after all."

"I'll handle it," Kanda snarled, ducking back into his room long enough to snatch up Mugen and shove his feet into his boots. "The rest of you, just stay out of my damned way."

Lavi looked frustrated, but nodded. Marysa came forward and clutched at his arm in fear, and suddenly he was Trey once more. He patted her shoulder gently in reassurance and glanced nervously out the window where the flashes of light were getting closer. "Be careful, Kanda," he said softly. "Don't get overconfident. There may be more than one."

"Don't tell me how to do my job, _Trey_ ," Kanda snapped back at him, and had the satisfaction of seeing the redhead flinch. He took the stairs three at a time and was out the front door of the inn before anyone had a chance to say anything more.

Outside in the streets chaos reigned. There were screaming people everywhere, fleeing from the explosions ahead. Kanda had to worm his way between them to travel against the flow of the crowd. From the snatches of conversation he overheard as he went, he gathered the townspeople thought they were being bombarded by the Boers and were trying to reach a nearby mine to get away from the bombs.

Since getting away from the area was the smartest thing they could do anyway, Kanda didn't bother to try to correct them about what was really happening. Finally he managed to get clear of the worst of the crowd, and was able to pick up speed.

It wasn't exactly difficult to find the monster, since it was making no pretence of hiding. The grotesque floating body hung in the air just above the low buildings, firing at anything that moved. Kanda wondered briefly who it had been, before shaking the thought off as unnecessary and counterproductive.

"Innocence, activate!" he shouted, drawing his fingers down Mugen's blade. The soft shine of the silver light shouldn't have been bright enough to illuminate anything, but somehow it always seemed to Kanda as if everything around him looked sharper and clearer when he'd triggered it.

He dove forward and rolled over the cobblestones, passing right between two lines of fire from the Akuma's guns. He came out of the roll in a vertical lunge, plunging Mugen into the 'belly' of the Akuma. It made a noise that was unlike anything a human could make as he twisted his wrist to get a better grip and pulled the blade across through the monster's body.

Freeing the sword, he jumped back just in time to avoid the explosion. Another rain of glowing purple bullets stitched a line across the ground, and nearly struck him before he managed to dodge. Eyes narrowed, he scanned the surrounding area hastily, cursing under his breath.

Three more Akuma rose up from behind the houses they'd been using to hide themselves, joining the one that was already hanging in the air above the burning ruin of the first one. "Shit!" Kanda exclaimed, throwing himself to the side again to avoid crossfire from two of them.

Trey had been right to warn him, and he should have listened no matter how pissed off he was at the redhead. The Akuma had laid a trap, using the first as bait to lure him in. Kanda stumbled as he landed again, and the momentary wobble saved him from being hit by fire from another of the monsters.

Snarling, he swung his sword up in front of him and concentrated. If the Akuma thought they had him pinned and defeated, they could damn well think again. "Kaichuu: Ichigen!" he shouted, and the blade dissolved into a buzzing swarm.

The Hell's Insects hovered briefly around him, before he flung his arm out towards the Akuma and they followed the path he set for them. One after another in quick succession the Akuma erupted in fire and fell helpless to the ground. They exploded on impact, utterly destroyed.

Panting, Kanda let the Insects gather back into Mugen's blade, and waited to see if any more of the monsters would pop up. The fires crackled and roared all around him, and most of the buildings had been damaged by the fight. Some of them were beyond repair, but at least he had stopped the Akuma before they killed anyone else. Grimly, he wondered how many people had already died.

When nothing else had jumped out at him after a full minute, he finally lowered his blade and walked forward to make certain of his kills. He'd learned a long time ago not to ever assume an Akuma was out for the count without checking first. All five had been thoroughly defeated.

Frowning, Kanda stood in the midst of the carnage and looked around. One Akuma he could have ignored as an aberration. With two, he might even have been able to accept that it was a coincidence. But six of the damned things pushed it well over the edge into conspiracy.

Worse, he was the only Innocence wielder for miles around, probably even on the entire continent. If he left and there were more, the town would be absolutely helpless.

"Damn it!" Kanda swore, and kicked at a flaming lump of debris. It didn't make him feel any better. For a moment he seriously considered just leaving the town to its fate, but he knew he couldn't walk away and live with himself. He didn't have the excuse of another mission to focus on, didn't have _any_ excuse to run away. And running was exactly what it would be - not from the Akuma, but from the two Bookmen.

Kanda had never in his life been a coward, and he didn't intend to start now. But he didn't have to like it.

Still cursing creatively in Japanese, he made his way back to the inn. The streets were quiet now, the screaming people probably halfway to wherever the mines were. The lack of resistance to his movements only made him more irritated, since it meant he didn't have a target to take out some of his frustration on.

Bookman all but pounced the moment Kanda came through the door. "Well?" the old man demanded.

Kanda turned on him, more than happy to let _him_ play target. "There were five of them," he snarled, clenching Mugen's hilt tightly in his fist. It was still glowing softly, a reflection of his rage. "Five, and they laid a trap for me. One for bait, and the other four stayed hidden until I was busy with the first."

"Shit." The heartfelt curse came from... Kanda couldn't quite decide how to mentally label the redhead at the moment. The voice was Trey, but the look of frustrated aggression on the man's face was pure Lavi. "Shit. That means there _has_ to be someone orchestrating things. They're not smart enough to pull something like that off on their own."

"Are we in danger?" Dirck asked, hugging Marysa close to him. His eyes were dark, and his hands trembled. "I've already lost my wife and one daughter to this war, I don't want to lose Marysa too. Should we leave?"

"If you do, the British may well decide it means you're Boer sympathizers going out to join the guerrillas," Bookman pointed out, folding his hands in his sleeves and smoothing out his face. "That's what most of the locals who've left have done. Besides which, the Akuma will be looking for easy targets and small groups of people in the wilderness fit that description. I think we have to assume there is someone or something creating them again, somehow."

"And there's no way to fight these things except..." Dirck waved vaguely in the direction of Mugen.

"None," Kanda ground out. "Innocence is the only thing that can kill them. It looks like I'll be staying a while after all."

Bookman frowned deeply, and Marysa didn't look particularly pleased, but it wasn't either of them Kanda was most worried about. Trey looked just as conflicted as Kanda felt.

On the one hand, there was still a part of Kanda that ached for the chance to look at and touch his lover, to reassure himself that Lavi was alive and well. There was even a tiny voice that whispered hopeful thoughts that they might find a way to repair their relationship, with enough time.

On the other hand, Kanda was still far too furious at what Lavi had done to be ready to forgive the bastard any time soon. That part of him would more than happily throttle the redhead given half an excuse, just to cause him as much pain as he'd put Kanda through.

For better or worse, they were trapped together for the duration. Kanda had to wonder which of them would break first... and whether the consequences would be sex or blood, or both.


	4. Chapter 4

Standing in the doorway to the common room, Kanda leaned against the jamb and crossed his arms over his chest. He'd been there for several minutes already, but the room's sole occupant didn't seem to have noticed him. Trey had half a dozen stacks of paper and notebooks spread out in front of him, and he was flipping through them in no order Kanda could discern.

Kanda had spent most of the last week promptly leaving any room Trey entered, and vice versa. He'd come down to grab some food for lunch, and when he'd seen Trey in the common room he'd fully intended to return to his room immediately.

Instead he'd made the mistake of pausing for a moment, taking the chance to study the redhead when Trey wasn't deliberately playing a role. The other man thought he was alone, and the mix of personalities that resulted was both baffling and illuminating.

It was Trey's gentle expression on the redhead's face, and Kanda had never seen Lavi nibble at his thumbnail like that before. But the rhythmic tapping of the fingers of his other hand, drumming to a beat only the redhead could hear, was something Kanda had been forced to listen to through countless hours whenever he was trapped in a small space with an idle Lavi. The other Exorcist never had dealt well with being forced into inactivity.

The really fascinating thing was the way he shifted more and more towards 'Lavi' as the minutes ticked by. Even as Kanda watched, the redhead stopped chewing on his nail and bit his lip instead, which had always been Lavi's 'I'm concentrating' gesture. A short time later his shoulders slumped, and his posture shifted until he was sprawling in his seat rather than just sitting in it.

"You don't even know you're doing it, do you?" Kanda remarked, not realizing he was going to say anything until the words had already left his mouth.

Lavi - it was definitely Lavi now - jumped half a foot off the bench and twisted to be able to see the doorway. Sitting with his back against the solid wall across from the window had put his blind side towards the door, which was probably how Kanda had managed to go unnoticed for so long.

"Gods, Yuu! D'you have to sneak up on a guy like that?" Lavi demanded, one hand pressed over his heart. "Doin' what?"

"Changing." Pushing off the doorjamb, Kanda strode into the room and stood where Lavi could see him without effort, hands on his hips. "You're 'slipping' again, that's the term, isn't it? But it wasn't my fault this time."

"Am I? Shit, I am," Lavi exclaimed, dismayed. Shaking his head, he closed his eye briefly. Kanda didn't think he'd ever stop being creeped out by the sudden changes of personality the redhead was capable of, but he was starting to get used to seeing the switch.

"I was going over my records from the Order. Sometimes it helps to be able to physically flip through them," Trey said softly when he opened his eye again. He looked up at Kanda with an expression that was a mixture of wariness and resignation. "That's probably why I was backsliding, it's hard to read my own thoughts from back then without falling into the same pattern."

"Did you find anything?" Kanda asked, because business still took precedence over their personal issues. There had been no further signs of Akuma attacks in the city since his first night here, but he wasn't willing to assume that meant the area was clear just yet. They might be waiting for him to leave.

"Maybe." Trey shuffled some of the papers together and shrugged. "There were plenty of towns we went to where it seemed like _everyone_ had been turned into an Akuma, and I don't see how that could have been possible by the normal process. They were usually places that had at least one second level in the area, so I'm starting to think maybe higher level Akuma have another way of reproducing themselves."

"That means it would only have taken one Akuma surviving the final battle, and we could be facing the whole damned mess all over again," Kanda growled, throwing himself down on the bench across from Trey in frustration. "It wouldn't even have needed to be second level at the time, it's had two years to build up enough deaths to level up since then."

"It's not as bad as it could be," Trey shook his head and offered a hesitant smile. "At least you don't have the Earl or Noah's Clan to contend with this time. It just means we have to make sure you get all of them. And that's where Bookman and I will be able to help, researching all the deaths in the vicinity to find the ones that don't match the patterns of the war, and hopefully flush out their hunting grounds."

Kanda didn't even try to return the smile, and after a moment Trey dropped his gaze and riffled nervously through the papers again. That was another gesture Kanda had never seen him make before, that he would never have imagined Lavi ever doing.

Maybe it was the proverbial straw meeting the camel's back, but Kanda suddenly couldn't stand it any longer. "I'm curious," he ground out, glaring at Trey.

"Curious?" Trey asked, his fingers stilling on the papers.

"Which one is the act, Lavi or Trey?" Kanda asked bluntly. "The way you keep slipping into Lavi makes me want to say it's Trey that's the act, but I can't be sure. Which is the real you?"

"Which _one_?" An incredulous expression spread over the redhead's face, and the cynical laugh he gave was neither Lavi nor Trey. "Yuu, what on earth makes you think you've _ever_ seen the 'real me'?" He snorted and stood up to pace, not looking directly at Kanda. "Do you really think it's just a case of one or the other? That's not the way it works."

"Why hasn't Bookman changed, then?" Kanda demanded. "You're a completely different person, but he's still the same way I remember him."

"He's the Bookman," Trey shrugged eloquently. "He doesn't need an alias, he just _is_. I'm only the heir, so I have to have _some_ kind of persona when we're on a record, but it changes each time to be appropriate to the situation." The same cynicism from his laugh was threaded through the smile he turned on Kanda. "Lavi was my forty-ninth alias. We decided going into the Order that I'd go with 'frivolous and fun' for that record. I was glad we did, because I admit I've always found the outgoing personalities easier to sustain than the introverted type. Neither of us expected to be there more than a few months, half a year at the outside."

Kanda tried to process that, and didn't like the conclusions he drew. "So it was all an act?" he asked, fighting to keep his voice perfectly level. "Everything? Your cheerfulness, the joking and flirting, your friendships with the others?"

 _And our relationship?_ hung unspoken in the air between them, but Kanda refused to give voice to the words.

"I..." Trey looked briefly at him, then away again, turning towards the window. He stood with his arms hugged around himself as if he was cold. "I don't know, honestly," he admitted softly. "Towards the end, sometimes it got hard to remember that I was only acting. Sometimes I even reacted in ways I hadn't planned to."

Kanda couldn't help but wonder whether their relationship had been a planned or unplanned reaction, but he didn't quite dare to ask outright. "And it's just because of me that you keep slipping into Lavi? You certainly never made a single mistake I ever saw when you were in the Order."

"Y'gotta understand, Yuu." It was Lavi who turned back to him, expression almost pleading. "I spent two and a half years as Lavi. That's two years longer'n any other alias I've ever had, includin' Trey." He shook his head. "Lavi's been harder to let go of than any other persona. Every alias since then I've chosen somethin' like Trey, someone as different from Lavi as I could get. Then just when I started t'think I'd moved past him, you show up and thirty seconds later I'm right back at square one."

"And I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?" Kanda snapped, unmoved. He stood to put them at eye level again, unwilling to look up to the redhead. "Forgive me for not sympathizing with your struggles, but it's difficult to believe it was all that painful for a man who could walk away and leave his so-called friends to believe he was _dead_."

"I'm pretty sure the old panda did that as a test," Lavi muttered, rubbing a hand over his eye. "He spent a lot of our time in the Order lecturin' me about my duties and responsibilities. I think he wanted t'see if I could still do my job and walk away, or if I'd gotten too biased."

"Clearly you passed," Kanda snarled. "Congratulations." Sarcasm dripped from the word so heavily it was a wonder it wasn't visible. "Tell me this, then. And for once, just once in your entire fucking life, be honest. Do you ever regret it?"

"Regret what?" Lavi looked at him, his gaze piercing. "Which part, Yuu? If you're gonna make me be honest, y'might as well get the right part. D'you wanna know if I regret walkin' away from the Order, or just from you?"

The bastard was going to make him say it out loud. Fine. "You know _what_ ," Kanda snapped at him. If looks could kill, Lavi would have been writhing on the floor in that moment. "From me, damn it. I thought I was a cold-blooded bastard. I've certainly been accused of it often enough. I spent the entire seven months we were screwing around trying to convince myself that was all it was, but when I thought you were dead it just about fucking killed me."

There, he'd admitted it. Now maybe he could finally move on with his life... if he could just get the answer to this one final question. Otherwise he knew it was going to eat at him for the rest of his life, not knowing. "Are you really such a heartless asshole that you could fuck someone for over half a year and walk away without a single backward glance? Was there ever even a moment when you thought about us and regretted the decision you made?"

Lavi's expression was carefully blank, the same perfectly neutral look Kanda had so often seen on the Bookman's face. "I'm a Bookman," the redhead replied, his voice low and even, somehow sounding like neither Lavi nor Trey. Even his single visible eye was completely devoid of emotion, as if he was nothing more than a doll. "People aren't people to the Bookmen. They're just ink on paper, history to be written about. If the Bookmen can't stay unbiased, then the secret histories are worthless."

"That's an evasion, not an answer," Kanda growled at him. When the other man said nothing more, Kanda swallowed hard. "But I'll take it for one," he concluded, and turned away. He had his answer. It had all been a lie, all of it, and Kanda was a fool for falling for it. For falling for _him_.

"Every day." The whisper was so hoarse that Kanda almost couldn't understand it. "Every damned day, Yuu."

Kanda spun on his heel just in time to see Lavi push past him towards the door. He caught only a glimpse of the redhead's face, but it was enough. The other man's expression was still blank, but the piercing green of his eye was obscured by the wash of tears covering it. They didn't spill over onto his cheek, but in all the time they'd spent together it was the closest Kanda had ever seen Lavi come to crying.

He reached out to grab at the redhead's shoulder, and cursed when he missed. "Lavi!" he called after him, determined not to let that be the end of the conversation.

Lavi was obviously equally determined not to continue it, because he fled like his life depended on it. He caught the doorjamb with one hand and used it as a fulcrum to swing himself around into the hallway heading for the outside door without needing to slow down - and promptly skidded to a halt, flailing for balance as a high-pitched shriek came from someone just out of sight.

"Damn it, Marysa!" the redhead snapped, glaring down at the girl Kanda couldn't see. "Didn't anyone ever tell you it's not polite to eavesdrop?"

Kanda reached the doorway just in time to see the other man shove past her and out the door, leaving the blonde girl staring after him, sniffling in disbelief. Kanda was a little stunned, himself.

Lavi would have cracked a joke and invoked laughter to distract her. Trey would have blushed and stammered and used his embarrassment as misdirection. Kanda wasn't quite sure what to make of the way the redhead had snarled at her for daring to eavesdrop, instead.

Maybe there was a real person somewhere under the masks after all.

Maybe, just maybe, that meant the emotion of his last words to Kanda had been real, too.

"Move!" Kanda barked at Marysa, and shoved past her the same way Lavi had done. "Lavi!" he shouted, spotting the other man running down the street. Kanda took off after him, cursing Lavi for his longer legs. He'd always been a faster sprinter than Kanda, much as it had galled the swordsman to admit defeat in any way. "Lavi! Damn it. Trey!" he tried, when the other name got him no response.

Still the redhead didn't turn, and Kanda chased him through the streets of Mafeking. The few people out and about, mostly British soldiers, stared after them in shock, but Kanda paid them no attention. "Come back here!" he insisted, uncaring what everyone else thought.

Lavi glanced back over his shoulder, and his eye widened. He skidded to a halt and tried to turn so abruptly he actually went down on one knee in a painful-looking tumble. "Yuu! Behind you!" he cried, panicked.

Others might have suspected him of making a lame attempt at distraction, but Kanda had fought at Lavi's side often enough to know that battle was one thing the redhead always took seriously. Well, relatively speaking. Kanda spun on his heel, drawing and activating Mugen in a reflexive action even before he saw the looming bulk of the Akuma rising above him.

Not just any Akuma, either. It was a second level, bigger than a first level but oddly slender and much closer to a humanoid figure. The fangs in its mouth screamed 'poison', and the sharp claws it had instead of hands looked deadly.

Kanda blocked the first thrust of its claw and dodged the second, hitting the cobblestones hard and rolling to avoid being stepped on. That brought him in range of the claws again, and he took a glancing blow to his side before he managed to push himself out of range and back to his feet.

"Yuu!" Lavi shouted again, sounding agonized. Kanda risked a quick glance back and saw him taking shelter behind a broken wall, hands clenched at his side in frustration and worry.

"I can handle it!" Kanda snapped back at him, bringing his blade up level with his face. "Kaichuu: Ichigen!"

The Hell's Insects broke away from the hilt and swarmed up around the Akuma's face, distracting it and blocking its view. It shrieked and swatted ineffectively at them, then leapt back just before they would have torn through it. Kanda cursed. It was _fast_ , fast enough that the Insects would have trouble blasting it. He'd have to go after it himself.

In the split second when he called the Insects back to him and they were in the process of reforming Mugen's blade, he was vulnerable. No Akuma had ever been fast enough to take advantage of the momentary opportunity before, but this one was. Kanda heard the whine of power at almost the same moment the force of the bullet striking his shoulder slammed him back to the ground.

Agony shot through him, and he couldn't keep the shout of pain locked inside him. He thrashed on the cobblestones, feeling like his blood had been turned to fiery acid that was eating away at him from the inside out.

"Yuu!" Strong hands grabbed at his shoulders, pinning him down and preventing the spasms from tearing his body apart, but they couldn't stop the pain. Kanda forced his eyes open and saw Lavi looking down at him with panic and despair in his expression. "Gods, no, no, Yuu!"

From the corner of his eye Kanda caught a flash of black that didn't belong on his hands, the only part of him not covered by clothing. Looking down, he saw the distinctive dark stars slowly forming on his skin. He'd been hit by the Akuma virus.


	5. Chapter 5

Gritting his teeth, Kanda fought to focus past the pain in his body. The Akuma was still out there somewhere, and they were both sitting ducks until he got control of himself again.

Of course, he wasn't the only former Exorcist present, even if Mugen was the only Innocence available. Reaching up, he forced his hand to close around Lavi's arm. "Take Mugen," he ground out. "Kill the damn thing." He had no idea if it was even possible for one Exorcist to use another's Innocence, but it was better than waiting helplessly for the next shot.

Lavi shook his head. "It's gone," the redhead said, sounding choked. "It ran off when it hit you. Gods, Yuu..." His voice cracked, and to Kanda's astonishment he actually sobbed. "Don't die on me, please don't die on me, please!" He pulled Kanda up into a tight hug and buried his face in the Japanese man's neck, his shoulders shaking.

Belatedly it occurred to Kanda that Lavi had never been with him on a mission when he'd been exposed to the virus before. Kanda had avoided giving Bookman any details of his healing ability, which meant the redhead had no idea Kanda was immune. A small and petty part of Kanda was tempted not to correct his mistaken impression. It would be little enough retribution for the two years of grief Lavi had inflicted on him.

Something warm and wet slid down the side of his neck and a soft keening echoed in his ear. Kanda's heart wrenched when he realized what it was. Lavi was crying, truly crying, heartbreaking sobs wracking his entire body. His words were too choked to be understandable now, but Kanda didn't need to hear it clearly to know the other man was murmuring a string of helpless pleas. The temptation for vengeance faded abruptly.

"It would serve you right... after what you did to me... if I did let you believe it," Kanda got out, panting between words to try to catch his breath around the pain. The worst of it was receding now, but it was still hard to focus.

"Believe it?" Lavi repeated, his voice hoarse as he lifted his head enough to look down at Kanda. "What're you..." His one visible eye went very wide. "They're... they're fadin'," he whispered after a moment. "The stars are fadin'. But... _how_?"

He pulled back further, holding Kanda at arm's length and staring. "I've seen Allen heal the virus like that, but you're not a parasite type!" Lavi insisted, gaping openly. "Are you? But how else could y'be immune?"

"It's got nothing to do with my Innocence," Kanda told him. Cautiously he flexed his muscles, testing his control of them. Everything worked, thankfully. That had been by far his worst experience with the virus. Every time he was infected with it, it hit him harder and took him longer to recover. He had no doubt that the lotus in its protective case back in his bag at the inn had just lost another petal.

When he tried to push himself into a proper sitting position, however, he discovered that the massive trauma the bullet had caused to his shoulder had _not_ healed yet. Agony screamed through his entire left side, and he bit down harshly on a groan of pain. The spell that bound him to the lotus and allowed him to heal at a ridiculous rate had been taxed by getting the virus out of his system, and wasn't fixing everything else as fast as it normally would.

"Here, lemme help," Lavi said, sliding Kanda's right arm over his shoulders and wrapping an arm around Kanda's waist. "Don't push yourself, you're just gonna hurt yourself more."

"I'm fine, damn it," Kanda snapped, but he let the redhead help him get to his feet. Looking around, he saw no sign of the Akuma from before. "Where the hell did it go? Why would it just run off like that when it was winning?"

"I dunno, maybe it thought you were as good as dead and just didn't bother stickin' around to finish the job?" Lavi suggested, getting them both moving back in the direction of the inn. There were still tear streaks on his cheek, but he seemed to have gotten himself back under control again. "Maybe it had a date it was late for, who knows? I'm just glad it decided to bug off, because there was fuck all I could've done to stop it. I'm no more synchronized with Mugen than some random guy off the streets." His tone was bitter, but the look he gave Kanda held only concern. "Y'sure you're okay, Yuu? I mean, it's not gonna come back or somethin'?"

"I'm immune to the virus, just like a parasite type," Kanda shook his head. "I'll be fine once I've had a chance to heal the rest of the damage. It's not the first time I've been hit by the virus."

"Well, that would've been nice t'know _before_ I made an idiot of myself," Lavi muttered, flushing slightly. "Can we just pretend that never happened?"

"No," Kanda told him bluntly, narrowing his eyes. "And I'm not going to ignore what you said before, either. Damn it, Lavi, I don't understand what's going through your head."

"Don't call me that," the redhead replied in what seemed to be a reflexive reaction. He straightened his back, shaking his head and making an obvious effort to go back to being Trey, but for once he wasn't entirely successful. Or maybe it was just that the streaks of blood, dirt and tears from the fight looked too out of place on Trey.

"All right, fine, _Trey_ ," Kanda snarled with ill grace. "I don't care what name you're using, I still don't get you. If you regretted your decision so much, why did you try so damned hard to convince me that you didn't feel anything at all?"

"Because it doesn't matter," Trey said wearily. "Yeah, okay, I've regretted it. But that doesn't change anything. I thought if I could convince you that I'd never cared it would at least make it easier for you to accept it and move on, but... I couldn't do it. I couldn't stand the thought that you would hate me that much. So now we both get to suffer over 'what if'."

They'd reached the inn, and Trey shifted his grip to free one hand so he could reach for the door. Kanda shrugged out of his hold entirely, and found he could walk easily on his own now as long as he didn't try to use his left arm at all.

"Marysa?" Trey called as they entered the building. "Marysa! Anyone home?" Silence answered, and he shrugged. "She probably went to sulk somewhere," he sighed to Kanda. "She doesn't deal well with getting her feelings hurt, and I've never snapped at her like that before. I shouldn't have done it."

"She shouldn't have been eavesdropping," Kanda retorted. He had very little sympathy for Marysa's bruised ego, and he could admit at least to himself that it was largely jealousy that motivated the sentiment. He made his way up the stairs, careful not to jostle his shoulder as he went, and Trey followed behind him.

"I want to look at your shoulder," Trey said firmly. "I know you heal fast, I've seen _that_ before, but there's no sense in letting it get infected and need more healing, right?"

"I suppose," Kanda agreed reluctantly. He pushed open the door to his room with his good shoulder, and headed straight for his bag. He kept a small emergency field kit in there, as had most of the Exorcists he'd known. Too often when they got hurt, they were miles from the nearest doctor.

While he pulled it out, he checked surreptitiously on the lotus in its case. Sure enough another petal lay wilting at the bottom, and he grimaced. He never should have allowed the Akuma to get through his guard like that. He'd gotten soft, going two years without a serious battle to challenge him.

"Here, I'll take that," Trey insisted, taking the kit from him and pushing him gently towards the bed. "You sit and get your shirt unbuttoned so we can ease it off." He turned to the washbasin and filled it with water from the ceramic pitcher on the stand. The basin was in a wooden stand, and could be moved by someone strong enough to lift it. Trey carried it over and set it beside the bed, then perched himself on the edge facing Kanda.

Kanda got the shirt undone easily enough, his shoulder was hardly bothering him at all any more. But when he tried to shrug it off a sharp pain shot through him, and he grunted in surprise. Trey frowned and leaned closer to study the wound, then grimaced.

"Your healing is working against you," he told Kanda. "The wound actually closed with some fibres from the shirt still inside it. This is going to hurt." He slipped his hand beneath the charred linen and tried to pry it away from the injury. Kanda gritted his teeth and clenched his fists in the sheet, and refused to let a single sound of pain escape him as the redhead got the shirt off him.

Once he was bare to the waist, Trey dipped a cloth in the water and started to carefully clean the area of the wound. He had to lean in close to do it, a frown of concentration on his face as he scrubbed away the soot and damaged flesh.

From this distance, the tracks of the tears on his cheek and the redness of his eye were obvious. Seeing them reminded Kanda of the broken way Lavi had been crying when the redhead had thought Kanda was going to die. Despite himself he lifted his hand to touch the worst of the tearstains, as if feeling it for himself would somehow force it to make more sense.

Trey jumped, and looked briefly at him before returning his attention to the wound. "You were right, I owe you a hell of an apology," he mumbled, his voice slightly hoarse. "For leaving you to think I was dead, I mean. I hadn't realized... just how much it could hurt. I'm sorry."

"You're right, you do," Kanda growled at him, but his anger was half-hearted. It was hard to hold onto it when he could see for himself the genuine regret the other man was feeling.

"If it makes you feel any better, walking away from you was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life," Trey told him. "Even leaving my hammer behind was easy compared to that."

"Then how can you say nothing has changed?" Kanda demanded. "How can you say it doesn't matter? All right, we both fucked up in the past. You by leaving, me by not letting you know I'd care if you did. But now we know better."

"And the only thing that changes is that it makes it _harder_ ," Trey retorted, shaking his head. "It's not like we can pick up again where we left off."

"Why not?" Kanda insisted. He ached with longing for the thought of being able to hold the other man in his arms again, this time willingly admitting how much the redhead meant to him. "Lavi..."

"Damn it, _that's_ why not!" Trey exploded, pushing away from him and nearly knocking the basin over in his haste to get away. He paced the small room like a caged animal, arms wrapped around himself not for comfort but as if he didn't trust what he'd do with them otherwise. "I'm _not_ Lavi any more, Yuu. Lavi is gone, dead in every real sense of the word. And maybe he haunts both of us, but a ghost is all he is. A memory. You can't have him back. I can't be him again."

"Yeah? Seems to me like you're finding it pretty easy to be him," Kanda countered. "I can see you struggling right now, not to backslide. I'm starting to wonder if he's as much of an act as you want to believe he is."

"It's habit," Trey whispered, refusing to meet Kanda's eyes. "A pattern worn into my brain over two and a half years. It's not who I really am, I told you that."

"Then who are you, really?" Kanda asked him again, standing as well. That meant Trey had to stop pacing, or else run straight into him in the tiny space. "Do you even know?"

Trapped, with Kanda between him and the door, Trey was forced to face him. Slowly he lifted his gaze to meet Kanda's, his face perfectly blank again but the look in his eye conflicted. "I'm a Bookman," he answered. "That's all, and that's enough."

"Not for me, it's not," Kanda said. Before Trey could realize what he intended, he reached out and caught the other man by the arms, pulling him closer. The inch of difference in their heights wasn't nearly enough to prevent Kanda from leaning in and fastening his mouth to the redhead's, kissing him hard and fierce.

In the past it had usually been Lavi who'd initiated intimate contact between them. It felt odd to Kanda to start it now, and odder still because the redhead resisted him instead of participating enthusiastically. Refusing to give up, Kanda stepped closer still and swiped his tongue over Trey's lips, demanding entrance.

With a soft moan Trey gave in and opened his mouth, granting Kanda access. His hands came up to clutch at Kanda's shoulders as if he needed the help to balance, and he stopped fighting to get away. But it still felt wrong, like a twisted parody of what Kanda expected. With Lavi it had always been a struggle for dominance, neither of them willing to just give up control to the other without at least a token battle. Trey let Kanda take the lead without so much as an attempt to retaliate, his mouth soft and pliant against Kanda's instead of passionate and heated.

Growling, Kanda pushed him backwards until they ran into the wall. Leaning in, he trapped Trey between his body and the solid boards, freeing his hands to run over the other man's body. He started at the waist, tugging Trey's shirt out of his pants and running his hands up over the bare flesh beneath.

One of Lavi's biggest erogenous zones had always been his back. Kanda had once tormented him for nearly half an hour, just running nails and teeth over the sensitive skin to see how far he could push before the redhead's control broke completely. He also knew that Lavi liked it a little rough, even in the initial stages of foreplay. Digging his fingers in, he dragged his nails over the skin of the redhead's back, probably leaving flushed lines or even shallow welts behind.

Trey cried out against Kanda's mouth and arched into the touch. Breaking free of the kiss, he threw his head back and hit the wall hard, writhing as Kanda scraped his fingers back down again. "Yuu!" he cried, panting hard and clearly struggling to hold himself together.

"You can't change this, can you?" Kanda murmured, his voice husky as he smiled in smug pleasure. "You can alter your voice and posture, find different quirks and habits, but you can't do anything to change the way your body responds. I know every sensitive spot you've got, remember? I know how to bring your walls crashing down."

"Yuu," Trey whimpered, shaking his head and making a feeble effort to push Kanda away by the shoulders. "Please, gods, don't do this..." He broke off with a cry as Kanda leaned in and bit at his earlobe, another place where he'd always been sensitive.

"Why not?" Kanda asked, flicking his tongue out to trace the curve of the other man's ear. "I've spent two years longing for the touch of your skin on mine again, and I thought I'd never be able to have it. Give me a reason if you want me to stop, and make it a damned good one."

"Because... because I... I can't..." Trey's voice was broken, as if he was fighting to think past what Kanda was doing to him. "I can't hang onto... oh, gods!" He moaned as Kanda used teeth to tug at the loop of his earring, cutting him off momentarily. "I can't think when you touch me," he whispered when Kanda pulled away again.

"Not good enough," Kanda told him, and bit at the curve of his neck. This time he followed the pinch of teeth with a soothing swipe of his tongue, and Trey actually whimpered. Kanda was enjoying the sounds he was making, but they weren't the response he was trying to get. The bastard was still just _standing_ there passively, not making any effort to retaliate or take control. It was Trey he was kissing, not Lavi, and he wanted Lavi.

Fine, then he'd just have to get serious. Bringing his hands back to the front, he started undoing the redhead's shirt with quick flicks of his fingers. He started at the top and followed his hands with his mouth, covering each newly bared inch of skin with sharp bites and sucking kisses, both of which were strong enough to leave marks behind.

Sex between them had never been a gentle thing. That was partly because they'd both been trying to deny that it meant anything beyond the physical release, but it was also because that was the way they'd both liked it. Growling, Kanda found one nipple and bit down hard, just barely light enough to keep from breaking the skin.

With a sharp cry the redhead arched up against him, and the grip of his hands on Kanda's shoulders changed. He dug his fingers in briefly, hard enough that Kanda felt real pain in the spot where the Akuma's bullet had hit. Then he dragged his hands down over Kanda's chest, tracing patterns over the sensitive skin with the edges of his nails.

If Lavi's weak spot had always been his back, then Kanda's was his chest. He released the nipple he was tormenting to gasp for air, and the next thing he knew a strong hand had wrapped itself in his hair and was jerking his head up. Lavi met his lips with a bruising kiss, devouring Kanda's mouth like a starving man at a banquet. Suddenly he was anything but passive, a growl building in the back of his throat as he pushed Kanda away from the wall towards the bed.

Since that was exactly the reaction Kanda had wanted to provoke, he gave way without as much of a fight as he might otherwise have put up. Just this once he _wanted_ Lavi fully in control, because it was the only way he could be sure it was Lavi he was getting and not Trey. Which was not to say, of course, that he wouldn't resist at all, because what would have been the fun in that? Neither of them enjoyed an easy battle.

He let Lavi force him back until his knees hit the edge of the bed, and didn't try to stop himself from falling back onto the mattress. But he did drag the redhead down with him, clawing sharply at Lavi's back and refusing to let go. Lavi caught himself on one hand so he wouldn't crush Kanda, and used his other hand to fumble at the other man's belt.

"Is this what y'wanted, Yuu?" he demanded breathlessly when he broke the kiss for air. He sounded torn between ecstasy and agony, as if Kanda had pushed him so far the redhead couldn't tell one emotion from the other any more. He managed to get the fly of Kanda's pants undone and shoved his hand inside, wrapping his fingers around the other man's cock and squeezing hard. "Is this how y'want it?"

"Yessss," Kanda hissed, partly in answer to Lavi's question but mostly as a reaction to the touch. Rocking his hips up into that too-tight grip, Kanda knew this was going to be one of the times when it was anything _but_ gentle, when they rode the knife edge of pain and came out the other side aching but utterly sated. There was too much anger and grief between them for anything else, too many things unresolved and regrets left to fester.

He wanted Lavi in control, but his pride refused to allow him to just take it without retaliating. Even with the distraction of Lavi stroking his cock, it only took him a moment to get the redhead's belt off and fly undone as well. Kanda could have stopped there, but one-upmanship had practically been refined to an art form between them. He pushed at the fabric of Lavi's pants, shoving them down over the other man's slender hips to expose more of the flesh he so desperately wanted to feel against him.

Lavi took that as the challenge it was intended to be, and started tugging at Kanda's pants as well. In moments they were lying skin-to-skin at last, their clothes hastily discarded and quite possibly damaged in the process. Neither of them cared.

With their hands wrapped around each other, their mouths met again in a heated kiss. Kanda wormed his other hand out from beneath his body to rake at Lavi's nipples, making the other man cry out against his mouth. Lavi bit down on Kanda's lower lip, digging his teeth in hard enough to fill both their mouths with the salty copper taste of blood, but Kanda welcomed the bright burst of pain.

Pulling back, panting hard, Lavi stared at him with his one eye gone dark with need. "Don't say y'didn't ask for it," he warned Kanda hoarsely, then released the other man's cock to raise his hand to Kanda's mouth.

Knowing what he wanted, Kanda willingly took the redhead's first two fingers into his mouth, wrapping his tongue around them and sucking hard. He treated it like he would a blowjob, dredging up old memories of how and where Lavi had liked to be touched and echoing the movements on the other man's fingers. Lavi moaned in response and his cock twitched in Kanda's hand, precome suddenly making the friction of skin against skin a little less rough.

Cupping Kanda's chin with his other hand, Lavi used his fingers to fuck the other man's mouth. Each thrust dragged his skin over the sharp sting of the bite marks in his lip, making Kanda groan and bite down so the edge of his teeth caught at Lavi's knuckles.

Finally Lavi drew back again, pulling his hand away. "On your knees," he growled, biting at Kanda's neck for emphasis.

Kanda's cock jumped, but he wasn't going to give in that easily. "No," he rasped, shaking his head. "I want to see you. I've spent two years dreaming it was you touching me, I want to be able to see that it's real this time."

A different kind of pain flared briefly in Lavi's gaze, and he nodded. "Fine, on your back, then," he agreed, and pushed Kanda's hip to get him to lie flat on the mattress. Leaning in, he traced the pattern of the tattoo over Kanda's heart with tongue and teeth, making the Japanese man writhe beneath him.

With only that touch to distract him, Kanda was all too aware of the pain of being stretched when Lavi slowly pushed two fingers inside him. There had been a time when he would have been able to take it easily, even with only spit for lube and so little foreplay, but that had been two years ago. He hissed a wordless protest, but refused to actually say anything. He was afraid Lavi would take any request to slow down as an excuse to pull away entirely, and nothing could have hurt enough to make Kanda risk that at this point.

Despite what Kanda had feared, however, after the initial push Lavi was much gentler than Kanda had expected him to be. He worked his fingers deeper with patient care, though he bit harder at Kanda's chest as if in compensation. By the time he flicked his fingers up against the spot that always made Kanda see stars, the pain had eased enough that Kanda's moan held nothing but pleasure.

"Do it," he pleaded, pushing himself down harder onto the other man's hand. He rubbed his thumb over the tip of Lavi's cock as an added enticement, squeezing his fingers hard. "Do it, take me, fuck me, just do it!"

"Always did love makin' y'beg for it," Lavi purred, rising up onto his hands and knees. He pulled his fingers free, leaving Kanda momentarily aching and empty, and then suddenly 'empty' was the last thing Kanda needed to worry about feeling.

He couldn't stop the cry of pain that escaped him as Lavi pushed into him. It had been too long, and the other man was too big for it not to hurt. But the pleasure was lurking there just beneath the pain, and Kanda knew from past experience that if he could just ride it out he'd be well rewarded. He dug his fingers into Lavi's shoulders, hanging on for dear life as the redhead drove himself home inch by torturous inch.

"Oh gods, Yuu." The broken quality to Lavi's voice resonated through Kanda, making him moan again. "Gods, gods, I'd forgotten how it feels. Damn you to hell, I'd forgotten. Y'feel _so_ fuckin' good." He came to a halt, his whole body trembling above Kanda as he struggled for restraint.

Restraint was the last thing Kanda wanted from him. "I hadn't," he snarled, rocking his hips up and locking his legs around the other man's waist. "Every fucking night I'd dream about you, about this. For months I could hardly sleep, because it hurt so damned much to wake up and realize it was only a dream and I'd never have you against me again."

Whether it was his words or his writhing that pushed Lavi over the edge, he wasn't sure and frankly didn't care. The redhead started to thrust into him, his rhythm sharp and fast. Neither of them was going to last long, Kanda could tell, but that didn't matter. The only thing that did matter was the sensation of Lavi's cock moving deep inside him, in a way he'd thought he would never feel again.

Working one hand between them, Kanda wrapped his fingers around his cock and pumped in time to Lavi's thrusts. Lavi was panting above him, his good eye closed and face twisted with emotions Kanda couldn't even begin to read. He was dripping with sweat, but Kanda wasn't sure that was the only source of the wetness on Lavi's cheeks.

Reaching up with his other hand, he wrapped his fingers through the thick locks of bright red hair and tugged sharply enough for it to be felt even through the haze of arousal that gripped them both. "Come for me," he demanded hoarsely. "I want to feel you come inside me again. Do it, Lavi!"

With a cry that was almost despairing, Lavi's control broke and he obeyed. His rhythm faltered and he plunged deeply into Kanda's body, heat flooding into him. He leaned down and bit sharply at the flesh just over Kanda's heart, in the centre of the dark lines of his tattoo. That was enough to push Kanda over the edge to follow him, the orgasm hitting him hard enough to be a kind of pain of its own.

Groaning, Lavi collapsed down over him, pressing them tightly together down the length of their bodies. When he could make his limbs respond to his brain again, Kanda shoved until he'd gotten them both turned onto their sides facing each other. He tugged his hand out from between them and wrapped it over Lavi's waist, pulling the redhead possessively closer.

He took it as a good sign when Lavi tangled their legs together in response, and an even better one when the other man buried his face in Kanda's hair. They'd slept together like this half a hundred times, twined so close that sometimes Kanda felt like he didn't know where he stopped and Lavi began.

Kanda turned his head to rest against Lavi's shoulder, completing the familiar position. Even after two years it still felt oddly right, like sliding a puzzle piece into its slot and hearing the decisive 'click' as it snapped home.

The only part that worried him was the soft, hitching little breaths Lavi was taking against his hair, and the subtle trembling spreading throughout the redhead's body. Kanda swallowed hard and whispered a silent prayer to the gods, begging them to make this work. He didn't think he could bear to lose Lavi a second time, not after such a visceral reminder of everything the other man had meant to him.


	6. Chapter 6

Kanda wasn't sure how long they remained tangled on the bed together. He didn't fall asleep, but he did drift for a while, soaking up the feel of Lavi's strong body pressed against his. The redhead's breathing had evened out after a little while and he'd stopped trembling, and Kanda thought he might be dozing as well.

When he turned his head to look, though, he found that Lavi was wide awake and watching him. The other man's expression was serious, and the look in his eye was full of wistful regrets. "What?" Kanda asked him, a little unnerved by that stare.

Lavi shook his head. "If you wanted to pay me back for making you suffer over the last two years, you've succeeded," he informed Kanda, his voice steady but hoarse. For once he wasn't slurring his words, but he wasn't acting like Trey, either. Kanda wondered if maybe, finally, he was getting a glimpse of the 'real' Lavi.

"Even when I thought I didn't mean a damned thing to you, choosing between being a Bookman and staying with you was hard," the redhead continued. "There hasn't been a day gone by when I haven't wondered what would've happened if I'd made the other choice. Walking away from you a second time, knowing that you want me, is going to kill me."

"Then don't," Kanda exclaimed, his heart clenching in his chest. Why the hell was Lavi talking about walking away? Hadn't Kanda just proved that he couldn't? "I'm not trying to hurt you, damn it, I'm just trying to make you see reason!"

Lavi gave a short, sharp laugh, and the sound had nothing to do with mirth. "Did you think if you could just get me back in bed and prove we both still wanted each other, that would fix everything? This isn't a fucking romance novel, Yuu. The real world doesn't work that way. You can shout 'I love you' until you're blue in the face, that won't make the rest of the universe magically shift itself to make everything right for you."

"So that's it?" Kanda rasped, trying to force his heart back down out of his throat. "You're just going to give up everything and walk away again?"

"Yeah." Lavi nodded slowly, firmly. "Yeah, I am. I'm a Bookman, Yuu. Nothing we do will change that."

He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, but Kanda caught his wrist in a tight grip before he could reach for his pants. "Stop using that as an excuse!" Kanda hissed, furious.

"It's not an excuse, it's a fact," Lavi shot back. "I can't be a Bookman and be with you. I don't get to have my cake and eat it, too, Yuu. The Bookman works alone, always, except for his heir. I didn't make the rules and I don't have to like them, but you can be damned sure Bookman will enforce them."

Kanda couldn't come up with an immediate argument to that. Lavi wrenched his arm out of Kanda's grip and stood, starting to dress. His movements were slow, almost methodical, but Kanda could see a fine tremor in the other man's hands. Lavi wasn't nearly as calm about this as he was trying to pretend to be.

Pushing himself to a sitting position, Kanda just watched him for a moment. "I do love you," he forced himself to admit, and Lavi actually flinched. The redhead paused, holding his shirt in his hands with his head bowed, his eye hidden by his bangs. "Even knowing that, you're still going to choose to leave?"

"I have to," Lavi whispered, anguished. "I have to, Yuu. I've spent twenty years learning to be a Bookman, learning to see and remember things most people wouldn't even notice, learning to divorce myself from the rest of humanity so I can stay objective. You wanted to know what the real me is like, well, that's it. I love what I do, I believe in the importance of the secret histories, and I don't want to give it up."

He finally lifted his head and met Kanda's eyes, and the soul-deep misery in his expression stopped Kanda's protests before he could even make them. "And even if I wanted to, I can't," Lavi continued. "Bookman's too damned old to spend another twenty years training a new heir, even assuming he could find a suitable candidate tomorrow. Kids with the abilities and inclination to become a Bookman don't exactly grow on trees, you know. He spent his whole life searching until he found me. If I leave, the line dies with him. Thousands of years of tradition, of history, all of it would end because I was too damned selfish to do my duty. Do you really think I could live with myself?"

They stared at each other for a long moment, while Kanda absorbed that. The struggle between love and duty, honour and desire, was certainly something he could understand. Samurai might have been outlawed in Japan, but Kanda had grown up before bushido had become nothing more than a word.

"That's why I left the first time, even though I'd done the unthinkable and started to actually care about you and the others," Lavi finished softly. "I really did honestly think about giving it up for a while, but I couldn't do it. It's who I am."

Slowly, painfully, Kanda let that sink in and made himself accept it. "If you were the kind of person who could abandon his duty like that, I suppose I wouldn't be able to love you in the first place," he said, fighting to keep his voice level. "I'm... sorry. I was trying to fix things, not make it harder on you." He lowered his eyes and struggled for control.

To his surprise, he felt fingers threading gently through his hair. The tie of his ponytail had snapped at some point, and the long strands shifted around his nude body as Lavi stroked them. "I know you weren't," Lavi assured him. "And I probably should've just explained it to you right off the bat, instead of trying to avoid the issue. I'm sorry, too, but 'sorry' doesn't make things right. Any more than 'I love you', does. And gods help me, but I do love you."

Kanda looked up again, but Lavi was already moving away, pulling his shirt over his head to hide his expression. "So now what?" he asked uncertainly.

"Now you find and kill that Akuma, and I go face the music with Bookman." Tucking his shirt into his pants, the redhead's expression was distant, as if he was slowly separating himself from his emotions. Though Kanda had continued to think of him as 'Lavi' for lack of a better name, he was still holding on to that unknown third personality that Kanda suspected was the real him.

That surprised Kanda, who had expected him to revert to being Trey once he was ready to leave. "Lav..." he broke off in mid-name, remembering the redhead's injunction against calling him that.

Again to his surprise, the other man gave him a brief, tiny smile. "You can call me what you want, I guess," he told Kanda. "It doesn't really matter, now. They're all the same to me."

Something in his voice, or maybe the look in his eye, held Kanda frozen in the bed with his tongue glued to the roof of his mouth. The redhead left the room and pulled the door shut behind him, and Kanda finally remembered to breathe again.

The same note of utter finality that had kept him motionless just a moment before now spurred him into action. Cursing, Kanda snatched up his pants and started dressing as fast as he could. He had the awful feeling that letting the redhead stay too long out of sight meant something horrible and irreversible was going to happen.

Once his shirt and boots were on, Kanda all but flew out the door without even bothering to try to pull his hair up. He didn't have the time to waste, though he wasn't sure just what he was racing against. All he knew was that he couldn't leave things at that. He couldn't argue with Lavi's dedication to his duties as a Bookman, fine, but that didn't mean there wasn't _anything_ they could do to make this turn out better for them. Kanda had never been good at admitting defeat, and he refused to allow this to be any different.

At the top of the stairs, he paused just long enough to make out the sound of Lavi and Bookman talking on the floor below. They were speaking a language Kanda had never heard before, but what they were saying was unimportant. He took the stairs two at a time, coming to a halt a few steps above where Lavi stood. Bookman was beyond him in the entranceway, frowning up at his heir. When he saw Kanda, the frown deepened.

"Trey!" he snapped before Kanda had a chance to figure out what he wanted to say. "I'm disappointed in you, boy. It's bad enough the way you've been backsliding this whole week, but this is unacceptable. I trained you better than this."

Lavi flushed and ducked his head, and for the first time Kanda realized how dishevelled the redhead still looked. The blood and dirt on his shirt could be explained away by the battle earlier, but the way his hair was mussed and his clothes rumpled took on a very different context when combined with Kanda's own messy appearance. They couldn't have been any more obvious about the fact that they'd just had sex if they'd tried.

Looking at the Bookman, Kanda's eyes narrowed. Part of him knew this was no more Bookman's fault than it was his and Lavi's, but he wasn't feeling particularly fair at the moment. "What of it, old man?" he snarled, clenching his fists. "This is none of your damned business, so stay out of it. We can work this out between ourselves."

Bookman opened his mouth, probably to say something scathing, but Lavi interrupted him first. "Stop it! Both of you, just stop it," he ordered. "If you're going to bitch at someone, then bitch at me, because I'm the one who deserves it. I'm the one who fucked up."

That made Bookman focus on him again, looking even less happy than he had before. "You're not even trying to hold your persona!" he accused the redhead. "But you're not Lavi, either. What..."

"I can't do it," Lavi told him, his voice broken and defeated. "I just can't. Not with him, of all people." He bowed low, keeping his gaze fixed on the floor. "I'm sorry, master. I can't keep the records separate. When I'm with him, I just can't hold on to Trey. I've failed this one."

Kanda all but vibrated with the need to say something, to go to him and touch him in reassurance, but the tension between the two Bookmen left him feeling locked on the outside of the scene. Bookman's frown became thoughtful as he watched the younger man, and Lavi held the repentant bow without wavering.

At last the old man sighed and reached out to lay one hand on the redhead's shoulder, making him look up in surprise. "The fault lies not entirely with you," Bookman admitted grudgingly. "I never should have allowed you to spend so long in one alias at such a formative age, and I certainly shouldn't have permitted you to be fighting out on the front lines. You've always exceeded my expectations, and it made me ask more of you than was reasonable."

He raised his eyes to meet Kanda's, his voice carefully neutral as he continued to speak to Lavi. "I forced you to make the choice to leave the Order as we did in the hopes of reminding you that all ties must be severed, but I should have remembered that fate has an odd way of playing with people's lives." His voice was dry. "If it had been anyone but Kanda I think you still would have managed, but my third mistake was in letting you form that attachment in the first place. I should have cut it short the moment I realized what was happening, but I thought the stress relief would be good for you and I didn't expect you to let your emotions get involved. It's been too long since I was eighteen, I'd forgotten just how intense everything can seem at that age."

Lavi jerked upright as if someone had yanked on him like a marionette, and he stared at Bookman. "You _knew_?" he exclaimed, disbelieving. "I thought..."

"That you'd managed to keep it hidden? From _me_?" Bookman snorted and tucked his hands into his sleeves. "Please. I taught you everything you know about maintaining illusions, but I haven't taught you everything _I_ know about spotting them. Unfortunately you did manage to hide your growing emotional attachment until the very end."

"He hid that from both of us," Kanda put in wryly. "You taught him too well, old man." He was gripping the banister so tightly it was a wonder the wood didn't splinter under his fingers, but it was the only way he could hang onto his control. His emotional defences were rubbed raw after everything that had happened earlier with Lavi, and this confrontation with Bookman wasn't helping. He would show weakness to Lavi if it would help him win his case, but he refused to let Bookman see even the hint of a crack in his armour.

"Or not well enough." Bookman shrugged, and looked back at Lavi. "I told you at the beginning that control of this record is in your hands. That hasn't changed. What are you going to do?"

Taking a deep breath, the redhead let it out slowly. "I think it's time to move on," he said softly, sounding like the words were forced out of him. "The siege is over and the battles are being fought elsewhere, so staying here isn't getting us any further in our records. And if I don't leave now..." He swallowed and glanced back over his shoulder, meeting Kanda's eyes for the barest instant before dropping his gaze to the floor again. "If I don't leave now, I'm not going to leave at all."

The expression of utter misery and pleading that Kanda had caught in that one brief glimpse of Lavi's face kept him from objecting once again. Bitterly he wondered when Lavi had gained so much control over him.

"Good," Bookman nodded, satisfied. "We'll pack our things and be on our way before..."

"No!" All three of them jumped at the sudden exclamation, and a moment later Marysa came running out of the kitchen where she had apparently been lurking. She threw herself at Lavi, latching onto his arm and burying her face in his shoulder. "No, Trey, you can't leave! Please, you can't leave me here alone!"

As usual the blonde girl's presence caused Lavi to instantly revert to Trey, as if someone had flipped a switch. Kanda had to wonder what the girl was making of these abrupt changes in character, since she didn't know the whole story. Or did she? That was the second time she'd eavesdropped on them, and at this point she must have gotten an earful.

"Marysa, I'm sorry," Trey said softly, taking her hand and gently disengaging it from his sleeve. "I can't stay. We follow where the battles go, and this war has moved away from here. I'm glad I was able to help you and be your friend while I was here, but..."

"No!" she insisted, refusing to let go. "No, this isn't the way it's supposed to happen. You're supposed to stay here with me, you're supposed to fall in love with me and stay forever! You _promised!_ " She turned a tear-streaked face to Kanda and glared hatefully at him. "This is all your fault! Everything was okay until you came! I wish you would just die!"

Stamping her foot in a childish gesture, she whirled and ran for the back door, sobbing wretchedly into her hands. The sound of her crying carried back to them long after the door had banged shut behind her. Lavi didn't even attempt to hold on to Trey's personality once she was gone.

Kanda raised an eyebrow at the redhead. "Just how many people do you make that sort of promise to?" he asked dryly. "I didn't think you were heartless enough to actually encourage her like that."

"I never promised her anything!" Lavi protested, raising his hands in a defensive gesture. "I don't know where she got that idea! I played up being her friend because we needed a place to stay while the siege was on, but I never made any promises like that!"

"She is young and female, and in the throes of her first crush," Bookman pointed out. "You should have known better than to give her _any_ encouragement. Kanda, I assume you will remain here to take care of this Akuma?"

As a warning not to follow them, it wasn't all that subtle, but it was graceful enough that Kanda could accept it without hurting his pride. "Of course," he snapped, drawing himself up and gathering the remaining shards of his control around him. There had been a time, before Lavi wormed his way past his defences, when Kanda hadn't let anything or anyone break that control. He struggled to regain that icy detachment now. "I can handle it without you. I won't let it catch me by surprise again."

"Then we'll leave the problem in your capable hands," Bookman nodded. "Trey?"

"I need a little while to gather my stuff," Lavi said, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the common room where he'd left his notes and records spread out. "It's all over the place. Give me an hour and I'll meet you in the entrance. That will still be plenty of time for us to get away from the city before dark falls."

Bookman looked at Kanda, then back at his heir, and nodded. "One hour," he agreed. "I'll pack my things as well."

Kanda had to step down to let the old man get by him on the stairs, and that put him on a level with Lavi again. "So you just walk away and that's it? Is that how you really want this to end?" he asked when Bookman was out of sight, keeping his voice low.

"End?" Lavi laughed, the sound bitter. "Are you kidding me? This is how it starts. I'll spend the rest of my life regretting the decision to leave you behind, but it's the only choice I can live with. Don't worry, Yuu. I'll be just as miserable as you will."

He moved forward and caught Kanda's chin in his fingers, leaning in close to brush their lips together. Kanda didn't fight him, but he didn't participate either. He didn't think he could bear to let Lavi go again if he did.

"At least this time I got to say goodbye," Lavi murmured when he pulled back, his green eye full of sorrow but his expression determined. Without another word he turned and walked into the common room, and Kanda let him go. There was nothing more either of them could say.


	7. Chapter 7

The little room Kanda had been given at the inn didn't have much in the way of a view, but it was enough. Perched on the windowsill, one leg drawn up to his chest, he stared blankly out at the slice of sky he could see.

He was watching the sun sink slowly towards the horizon. Like watching a flower bloom, he couldn't detect any movement from moment to moment yet the process continued inexorably. It was a good meditation aid, helping him to empty his mind of unwanted thoughts. He had enough of them that he needed the help, at the moment.

It had been almost two hours since Lavi had said 'goodbye', judging by how far the sun had dropped, but he wasn't thinking about that. The Bookman and his heir would be well away from the city by now, but he wasn't thinking about that either. Half a dozen arguments he could have used to try to convince Lavi not to leave wanted to run through his head, but he _definitely_ wasn't thinking about that. The tiny room still smelled strongly of sweat, sex, and Lavi, but he wasn't. Thinking. About. That.

The knock on his door startled him out of his not-thoughts, and he actually jumped. Turning his head, he snarled silently in the direction of the door but didn't give voice to the obscenities that sprang to his mind. Marysa and Dirck didn't deserve to have him take out his anger and frustration on them.

"Go away," he snapped, the politest rejection he could manage at the moment. Unless the Akuma was attacking, whatever they wanted wasn't important enough to drag him out of his isolation. The last thing he wanted was company.

To his surprise, it wasn't either of the van den Dools who answered him. "I've been quite patient enough," Bookman declared, each word sharp and precise like a cutting edge. "You've had time enough for goodbyes, and if we don't leave now we'll be caught by the outlying patrols after dark."

"What?" Caught completely off guard, Kanda stared at the door. "What the hell are you talking about?"

There was a pause, then the knob turned and the door swung open to reveal Bookman standing in the hall, peering into the room with a puzzled look on his face. "He's not with you?" the old man asked, his intelligent gaze searching every corner as if expecting to find Trey hiding somewhere. "When did he leave?"

"I haven't seen him since you left us in the hall," Kanda informed him sourly. "He went to gather his things in the common room, and I came up here. I thought you'd been gone for an hour already."

Bookman frowned, and a hint of worry crept into his expression. "He stacked the books and papers, but his room hasn't been touched. I assumed he'd stopped to... say his farewells in private, and gotten distracted." His voice was dry, and Kanda had no doubt what the old man had thought they were up to.

"Well, he didn't," Kanda retorted. A muscle in his jaw jumped as he clenched his teeth to keep from adding anything to that statement. He was still far from happy with the situation and was more than willing to take it out on Bookman, but he refused to come out looking like he was being childish.

"If he's not with you and he isn't packing, then where is he?" Bookman asked, more of a rhetorical question than an actual query directed at Kanda. The worry in his eyes grew, and Kanda realized that there was more at stake than just whether or not Lavi had come to have one last round of sex with him.

"It's not as if he'd wander off without reason," Kanda said, sliding down off the windowsill. "Maybe Marysa came back and he's trying to get her off his case. Or maybe he just changed his mind, and doesn't want to admit it to you."

"He's not that much of a coward," Bookman replied, disapproval clear in his voice. "I'm surprised to hear you even suggest it. Will you help me look for him?"

Kanda reached for Mugen and slid the strap of the sheath over his head and shoulder, settling it at his back. The familiar feel of it pressing against him through his shirt helped him to think. It _wasn't_ like Lavi - or Trey - to just vanish like this, especially not when he was supposed to be doing something else. A sick feeling settled in the pit of his gut, and he tried to push it away. There were probably half a hundred innocent explanations for the situation. He just couldn't think of any at the moment.

"I'll search the guest rooms," he told the old man. "You take the downstairs. If he's not in the building, we'll split the city between us. He can't have gone that far."

Bookman nodded and turned to head down the stairs, and Kanda left the room. He started with the door across from his, even though Bookman's words had implied that the old man had already checked Lavi's room. No point in not being thorough.

He'd searched both Lavi's and Bookman's rooms for some sign of the redhead's whereabouts and had just moved on to one of the two empty guest rooms when the front door suddenly crashed open. The impact of the heavy wooden door against the wall was accompanied by a high-pitched wail and the sound of incoherent sobbing. Startled, Kanda didn't even bother to close the door of the room again before he bolted for the stairs.

Bookman beat him to the front door by moments, and had already grabbed Marysa by the shoulders by the time Kanda reached the bottom of the stairs. "Calm down!" the old man ordered the hysterical girl firmly, guiding her towards the nearest chair. "Take deep breaths, and tell us what happened."

Marysa's dress was torn and dirtied, and her hair was falling out of its pins. There was a streak of blood on one of her cheeks, but no sign of a visible injury to account for it. She had her hands over her face and was weeping too hard to speak, shaking her head over and over and threatening to hyperventilate.

"Slap her," Kanda suggested remorselessly. "She's going to pass out if you don't knock some sense into her."

Bookman cast a glance over his shoulder, and his expression said he was tempted to follow the advice. Instead he pushed the girl's sleeves up and pressed firmly at several spots on her hands and wrists, his gnarled fingers holding a surprising amount of strength. After a moment Marysa began to hiccough, but she was visibly calming.

"Now," Bookman said when she'd managed to get her crying and the hiccoughing mostly under control. "Tell us what happened. Has there been another attack?"

Nodding frantically, she wiped at the tears on her face with the back of one hand. "T-trey," she stammered, nearly choking on another hiccough. "I came back and he w-was cleaning up his things, and I wanted to at least say goodbye. I asked h-him to come out with me for a minute, so we could have some p-privacy. And then that horrible monster c-came, and it was even worse than the one the other day! It was huge and had c-claws and f-fangs and so many arms and legs and..."

She was getting carried away again, and the temptation to slap her increased. "What happened to La... to Trey?" Kanda demanded, his heart in his throat. "Marysa! Stop crying and tell us what happened to Trey!"

"It..." Instead of calming, she threatened to break into a whole new wave of hysterics. "It t-took him! It knocked me over and took him and said... and s-said..."

"What did it say?" Bookman coaxed her, his voice gentle but his eyes like chips of solid obsidian. "You're certain it took him, it didn't fire on him?"

"No, I think it c-cut him a little, but he was still alive," Marysa shook her head. "It said it wants _him_ ," she pointed dramatically at Kanda, "and if he won't come to it, it will m-make him come. It said it would k-kill Trey if you didn't go to it!" Her voice rose in a wail again, and she buried her face in her hands once more.

Kanda met Bookman's eyes, and read the same things he was feeling there. In that moment a silent agreement was reached between them, to put aside their differences for as long as it took to find and bring Lavi back safely.

"If it wants a fight, I'll be happy to give it one," Kanda snarled, drawing Mugen in one smooth motion and gripping it tightly in one hand. "This time it won't catch me by surprise, and I'll carve it into pieces. Bookman, you stay with Marysa..."

"No," Bookman cut him off, straightening from where he'd been bent over the girl and staring down Kanda's automatic objections. "I may not have the Heaven Compass any longer, but don't make the mistake of thinking that makes me useless. Even with ordinary needles I can do a great deal with acupuncture, and if Trey is injured, he may need treatment immediately."

The thought of Lavi being hurt by the Akuma instantly turned to thoughts of him being infected by the virus, and Kanda _knew_ Bookman couldn't fix that. Forcing himself to breathe through the moment of panic, Kanda simply nodded. "Stay out of my way, then," he said when he had control of himself again. "I'll distract it, and you get him the hell away from it. Did it say where it was going?" he asked Marysa, not really expecting a coherent answer but figuring it couldn't hurt to ask.

To his surprise, she nodded and pointed off to one side of the inn. "It said it was taking him to the diamond mine," she told them, her lower lip trembling but managing to keep from bursting into further tears. "It's an open-air mine that's been mostly abandoned since the fighting started. But it's on the other side of the city, miles from here."

"That's not a problem," Kanda waved one hand dismissively, and raised an eyebrow at Bookman. "Assuming you can keep up, old man?"

"Just try to outdistance me," Bookman replied blandly, only his eyes revealing any emotion at all. "Let's go. The sooner we leave the sooner we'll get there. We'll have enough trouble dealing with British patrols and the guerrilla groups as it is."

Shoving Mugen back into its sheath, Kanda nodded and headed for the door. The moment he hit the street he started running, his feet flying over the pavement and his arms spread behind him for balance. Bookman was right at his side, and to Kanda's mild surprise the old man indeed had no trouble keeping up with him.

Shouts of astonishment and alarm rose behind them, but they were moving too fast for the startled British soldiers to do more than yell after them. Kanda ignored the soldiers with single-minded intensity. Only one thing mattered now, and that was getting Lavi back.

They reached the outskirts quickly, and here they ran into more trouble. The soldiers were patrolling in groups, and the area around the town was flat enough that they were able to see the two former Exorcists coming. "Halt!" one officer commanded them, his two junior troops swinging their rifles around to aim at them.

"Out of our way!" Kanda snarled back, slashing one hand out in front of him in a dismissive gesture.

"Halt in the name of the queen!" the officer insisted, and one of the troops fired a warning shot.

"Damn it, we don't have time for this!" Kanda growled under his breath. He hesitated to draw Mugen on ordinary humans, but they didn't have much in the way of other options. He pulled the blade from its sheath but didn't activate it, leaving it dark and inert in his hand. "Move!" he barked again, brandishing the blade before him as they neared the small patrol.

A sickening noise, not unlike the sound of an overripe melon bursting on impact, filled the air. Like the sound of Akuma cannon fire, no Exorcist could ever mistake that sound either. "Kanda!" Bookman shouted, but Kanda had already dived into a roll and the first line of bullets from the newly revealed Akuma went over his head.

"Innocence, activate!" Kanda shouted as he came up on his feet, drawing his fingers swiftly down the length of the blade. Mugen came to life, shining silver even in the bright sunlight as Kanda swept down on the Akuma. It was the officer who had changed first, but the two troopers were midway through the process already.

With a wordless shout Kanda lunged past the Akuma that had been the officer, cutting straight through it with Mugen's blade. Spinning agilely on one foot, he twisted to avoid the fire from the second Akuma and drove Mugen up into it, letting his momentum carry him past it and slicing it nearly in half as well. That left just the one remaining monster to take of.

Or so he thought, until another blast of glowing bullets tore through the earth just beside him, heading straight for him. Startled, he threw himself backwards and narrowly avoided being hit. Once again the damned things had caught him by surprise; three more Akuma were floating towards them at high speed from the east.

"Behind you!" Bookman called, and Kanda glanced over his shoulder to see four more coming from that direction. On the distant horizon he could see at least another six incoming from various directions, and he swore.

"Where the fuck are they coming from?" he snarled, killing the one remaining from the first group and whirling to deal with the next three. "Is every British patrol in the area actually an Akuma? Kaichuu: Ichigen!"

The Hell's Insects swarmed out towards the approaching Akuma, and tore right through all three of them. Instead of bringing them back to him, Kanda sent them soaring straight to the next group, ignoring the Akuma's attempts to fire on the tiny pieces of Innocence.

"So it would seem," Bookman replied grimly. Kanda spared a moment to check on him, and found the old man had picked up one of the fallen trooper's rifles. He smiled wryly when he saw Kanda looking, and hefted the gun. "It won't dent the Akuma, but it will at least slow down any still in human form. Or, for that matter, any soldiers who are still human."

Grunting acknowledgement, Kanda hastily returned his attention to the fight. One of the four Akuma behind him had managed to escape the swarm of insects, and was closing rapidly on his position. He was forced to dodge again, summoning the insects back to him so he would have a way to attack. He desperately did not want to be hit by another bout of the virus. They would be absolutely helpless for the period it took him to heal it, and with six more incoming they couldn't afford even a moment of vulnerability.

Mugen's blade reformed in his hand, and he leapt for the approaching Akuma. Two swift strokes took care of it, but now he had the other six incoming monsters to deal with. "Kaichuu: Ichigen!" he called again, releasing the insects to head for the nearest group. He tried not to let himself wish that Lavi were there, with his twisting snake of flames and versatile hammer.

Even if Lavi had been present, he reminded himself harshly, the redhead would have been just as helpless as Bookman. Grimly, dodging yet another burst of fire, Kanda decided that nothing on the face of the planet would ever convince him to give up Mugen. If one Akuma could have escaped here, there could be others scattered around the world. Not for anything would he ever allow himself to be caught as powerless and vulnerable as the two Bookmen were now.

When the insects destroyed the last of the six approaching Akuma, he summoned them back to him and stood scanning the horizon, waiting for the next attack as he panted for air. Nothing happened, no further Akuma appeared in the sky, and he dared to relax just enough to wipe the sweat from his palms.

"Is that it, do you think?" he asked Bookman cautiously as he made his way back to the old man.

"I doubt it," Bookman shook his head in reply. "But the British don't have _that_ many men in the area. Even if every soldier in the city were an Akuma, they wouldn't have anyone else close enough to reach us. Which isn't to say more might not be on their way, but we've got a bit of breathing space."

"Then let's not waste it," Kanda said, flicking Mugen automatically to clean it. He didn't sheath it again; the seconds it would take to draw and activate it might mean the difference between victory and defeat if they were caught by another group.

They took off running again, Bookman hauling the rifle along with him like a talisman. Kanda wondered briefly if the old man even knew how to use it, then wryly decided there probably wasn't very much Bookman didn't know about anything. He certainly wasn't foolish enough to take up a weapon he didn't know how to use.

Two more small groups of Akuma intercepted them on their way to the mines, but Kanda made short work of both of them. Despite the ease with which he dispatched them, Kanda was short of breath and sweating hard by the time the giant open pit of the diamond mine came into sight in the distance.

Lifting one hand, he called for a brief halt. "Let me catch my breath," he explained when Bookman gave him an inquiring look. "The second level is almost certainly down there, and it's damned fast. I'm not going to have any backup, so I want to be at full strength when we attack." Already he could feel energy flowing back into his limbs, and he gave silent thanks to the spell of the lotus.

"Are you ready?" he asked briskly when he could breathe easily again.

Bookman nodded, his expression flat and eyes dark. "I'll get him under cover as quickly as I can," he said, discarding the rifle as useless now. "You concentrate on the Akuma, don't worry about us."

Swinging Mugen in a rapid figure eight to loosen the tight muscles in his wrist, Kanda grunted agreement. Part of him wondered if he would ever see either of the two Bookmen again; he wouldn't put it past the old bastard to take Lavi and bolt while Kanda was occupied. "Just tell me he's still alive before you leave this time," he demanded. He couldn't handle the idea of having to spend the rest of his life wondering if Lavi had even survived the fight.

For a moment he thought Bookman would try to prevaricate, but finally the old man nodded. "We won't leave until the battle is over," he promised. "I won't begrudge either of you that much. He'll want to know that you're all right, as well."

"Good." Kanda nodded, ordering himself to be satisfied with that much. It was more than he'd expected to get, and he couldn't expect any better. As long as he knew Lavi was okay, he would make that be enough for him. "Then let's do this." Hefting Mugen, he headed for the pit mine with murder in his eyes and an ache in his heart.


	8. Chapter 8

The pit mine was a series of terraced levels descending down into the ground, with the result looking like a gaping wound on the surface of the earth. A layer of dark sludge coated the bottom, since it had been too dry recently for a proper pool of water to form.

It wasn't hard to find Lavi. He was quite prominently displayed, in fact. The Akuma had taken a length of steel chain and wrapped it around him, then pinned the ends under an ore cart that had been tipped onto its side. It left him thoroughly trapped and unable to move, sitting with his back against the side of the cart.

From this distance Kanda couldn't see if he was injured under the mud that half covered him, but he remembered the blood on Marysa's face. Chances were good the redhead was wounded in some way, so they'd have to account for that when extracting him.

The Akuma itself was nowhere to be seen, but Kanda found he wasn't entirely surprised by that. It had already shown a tendency towards ambushes and attacking from hiding, and just because he couldn't see it didn't mean he believed it wasn't there. Unfortunately, he couldn't attack what he couldn't find, and that meant he was going to have to walk straight into the trap.

Nothing irked him more than being forced to oblige his enemies, but he didn't have much choice in the matter. "I'm going straight in to draw its attention," he muttered to Bookman. "You go around the side of the mine and come at him from an angle."

Without waiting to hear the old man's agreement, Kanda stepped off the rim of the pit mine and leapt nimbly from one terrace to the next. Small rocks dislodged by his feet tumbled noisily down the slopes, some rolling all the way to the bottom where they disappeared into the mud. Kanda made a mental note that the sludge was deeper than it looked, because even the biggest of the rocks sank without a trace.

Since he was trying to draw attention to himself, there was no point in staying quiet. "Lavi!" he shouted, angling his path of descent to take him to the redhead. "Lavi! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sure, no problem," the other man called back, sounding wry. "Just hangin' out down here, havin' a blast. Y'should come join me, Yuu. They say the mud is good for your complexion. Not that y'need the help," he added thoughtfully. "You're pretty enough as it is."

Relief rushed through Kanda. If Lavi was cracking bad jokes despite the situation, he couldn't be hurt that badly. And it was definitely Lavi cracking the jokes; whether out of habit from dealing with Akuma or just to reassure Kanda, there was no mistaking the way he was slurring his words. Whatever the reason, Kanda found he was grateful. He knew how to read Lavi's words and actions in a battle, but he wasn't sure he'd have been able to predict and interpret Trey or the unknown third persona.

"Where is it?" he asked, skidding to a stop just a few feet from where Lavi was chained and looking around cautiously. There was still no sign of the Akuma, and he was starting to feel distinctly nervous. Why would it just abandon Lavi like this, after going to all the trouble to haul the redhead out here?

"Not sure," Lavi admitted with a grimace, shifting and making the heavy chain rattle. "I was out cold 'til just a few minutes ago. The damned things caught me completely by surprise, hit me from behind when I was talkin' to Marysa. Where's Bookman?"

"What makes you think he's not back at the inn?" Kanda asked, raising an eyebrow. "It's not like he's much use in a fight."

"Because I know the old panda," Lavi replied with a grin, his teeth gleaming whiter than usual against the dark mud on his face. "No way he'd miss this. If nothin' else, he can't be sure I'll be conscious enough to make a good record of it."

"I think you underestimate how important you are to him," Kanda told him, remembering the look of genuine worry in the old man's eyes when they'd realized Lavi was missing.

Lavi shrugged, making the chain rattle again. "Hey, if it's not gonna jump out and bite you, think y'could do me a favour and get this damned thing off me? As a fashion statement, the chain just ain't doin' it for me."

Snorting, Kanda shifted Mugen to a one-handed grip and reached for the chain to try to tug it free. The moment his fingers touched the metal there was a loud sucking noise from behind him. It sounded vaguely obscene, and he whirled to face it.

Rising from the muck at the bottom of the mine, the second level Akuma had mud sheeting off its metal skin like coffee-coloured waterfalls. It shook itself, sending mud flying everywhere, and Kanda hastily raised his arm to keep it out of his eyes. A rush of displaced air was his only warning, and he rolled instinctively to one side. The Akuma's claw passed through the space where his head had been mere seconds before, digging a chunk out of the ground behind him.

Cursing under his breath, Kanda scrambled to his feet and lunged towards it with Mugen extended. It dodged him easily, moving so quickly it seemed to be right in front of him one moment and a dozen feet away in the next. He'd forgotten how damned _fast_ it was, or maybe he'd only caught a glimpse of its speed in his first fight with it.

Again and again he struck at it, but he couldn't even come close to hitting it. It moved like water, sliding out from under his blade as if it had never been there in the first place. It laughed, a clear ringing sound that echoed in the pit, sending chills down Kanda's spine. It always seemed wrong to him when an Akuma had a pretty laugh, as if something that twisted shouldn't be capable of anything beautiful.

"What's the matter?" it taunted him, the voice unmistakeably female. "Is the big bad Exorcist getting slow in his old age?"

"Old?" Kanda repeated, affronted. He was only twenty, that was hardly 'old'. And he certainly was not slowing down; this Akuma was just ungodly fast. "I'll show you old," he snarled at it, and whipped Mugen up and around in a curving slice that caught it by surprise. He carved a chunk out of one of its claws, and it shrieked and snatched its arms out of his reach.

That was exactly what he'd been hoping it would do, since it left him with an unobstructed shot at its torso. He darted in with a fierce yell, Mugen slashing in towards its vulnerable body.

Then, frustratingly, it suddenly wasn't there. He swore and slowed his momentum, turning his head from side to side in search of it. This time it was just _gone_ , vanished seemingly into thin air.

"Yuu!" Lavi shouted, and something about the tone of his voice made Kanda spin to look at him. He found the Akuma now perched on top of the overturned mining cart, hunched over Lavi. He froze; it was too close to the other man, it could tear out Lavi's throat before Kanda could close the distance between them.

Even as he watched, it drew the tip of one claw slowly down over the redhead's cheek like a sick parody of a lover's caress. Lavi had gone utterly still, the heavy chain not so much as whispering a rattle, but Kanda saw him swallow hard. The redhead had already been cut once and had survived it, but some second level Akuma seemed to have the ability to choose whether or not they wanted to transmit the Akuma virus through their claws as well as their bullets.

"Let him go," Kanda growled, his eyes narrowed and every muscle tensed in preparation to move. "This is between you and me. He's served his purpose, now leave him be."

Immediately he knew his words had been a mistake. Reminding the Akuma that it didn't need Lavi in order to draw Kanda into the trap meant the damned thing might decide to get rid of the loose end. It laughed again, and ran another oversized claw with delicate precision over the redhead's throat.

"Oh no, I'm not going to let him go," it purred at him with smug satisfaction. "I'm far from done with him. But first, I have to deal with _you_."

Too fast to follow the movement, it launched itself abruptly off the top of the cart. Kanda dived forward and rolled, and came up running. The ground exploded behind him with the impact of the Akuma's claw, then the air was full of falling debris and the sound of bullets being fired.

Ducking behind another mining cart, Kanda let the heavy metal absorb the bullets and gained a moment to breathe. "Kaichuu: Ichigen!" he invoked Mugen's first illusion, keeping his voice low to avoid alerting the Akuma to what he was doing. He sent the Hell's Insects _under_ the mining cart, hoping to keep them hidden until it was too late.

There was a screech of fury and pain, and he caught the top of the cart with his free hand and vaulted over it. He landed on his feet on the other side, just in time to see the Insects making a second pass at the Akuma. It had been injured, one clawed arm dangling limply from its left shoulder, but the Insects didn't get a second chance to strike. It vanished once more, and this time Kanda was _certain_ he hadn't seen it move.

The damned thing was _teleporting_. No wonder he couldn't hit it!

Searching the pit mine rapidly, Kanda spotted Bookman crouched low beside Lavi, using the redhead's larger bulk to try to keep himself out of the Akuma's line of sight. Kanda couldn't see what the old man was doing, but at all costs he had to keep the Akuma from noticing what was happening.

Thankfully the monster reappeared a few feet in front of Lavi and facing towards Kanda, so it couldn't see what was happening behind it. Now Kanda just had to keep things that way.

"Are you too much of a coward to stand and fight?" he shouted, trying an appeal to its vanity. He summoned the Hell's Insects back to him but didn't reform them into Mugen's blade just yet, letting them hover in a swarm over his head. As he'd hoped the Akuma kept a wary eye on the Insects, waiting for them to attack again, and didn't turn to check on Lavi.

"There's no cowardice in using my abilities to defeat you, Exorcist," it retorted, scraping its uninjured claw repeatedly over the ground beneath it. "I could as well accuse you of being afraid to face me without your Innocence."

"Fine, then I'll just have to keep hitting you until you stop moving," Kanda growled. "I've already proven I can hurt you, so it's just a matter of time." He sent the Insects darting towards it in a feint, and it reared back in fear. Quickly he pulled them back again before it became worried enough to teleport away.

"You got lucky," it told him, swiping at him with its claw and forcing him to jump back. "You can't hit what you can't find, Exorcist!"

It vanished again, and he cursed. Anticipating its next most likely attack, he spun on his heel and sent the Insects up in a swarm in front of him. As he'd expected, the Akuma reappeared directly behind where he'd been standing and the Insects were in just the right place to block its vision.

While it couldn't see, he repositioned himself so it would have to turn away from Lavi to face him. Then he called the Insects back and made them hover again, fighting to keep his breathing steady and deep. He was starting to get tired, and he couldn't afford even a momentary slip. All it had to do was hit him with the virus again. It wouldn't kill him, but it would leave him helpless long enough for the Akuma to tear him apart. He wasn't sure even the spell of the lotus could heal him if he was torn limb from limb.

Apparently it had much the same thought, because instead of lashing out with its claw the Akuma opened fire on him again. Kanda ducked and dodged, just barely managing to take cover behind a pile of slag. The bullets bit deep into the refuse, chewing away at the pile, and he knew he wouldn't be able to hide there for long.

Bringing the Insects back into Mugen's blade, he pushed off hard and raced around the other side of the slag pile. The Akuma's canons fired in parallel from its shoulders, and the paths of the bullets didn't cross. As long as he was careful to anticipate which way it would turn, Kanda was able to run _between_ the two lines of fire, straight at the Akuma.

He'd caught it by surprise; it hadn't expected him to rush it. He felt Mugen strike something solid, but an instant later there was nothing but air to resist the blade and he was left off balance. It had teleported again, and reappeared just out of his reach.

Once more he rolled to avoid the incoming fire, swearing viciously. Mentally he ordered Bookman to hurry the hell up, because he wasn't going to be able to keep it distracted for long at this rate.

As if in answer to his thoughts, there was a huge crash and Lavi's chain rattled noisily. Kanda and the Akuma turned in that direction simultaneously and found Lavi struggling to free himself from his now loose chain. The mining cart was still right where it had been, so Kanda assumed Bookman had managed to lift it just long enough for Lavi to pull some slack into the chain.

Unfortunately it wasn't loose enough for the redhead to get free immediately, and now they'd drawn the Akuma's attention. Lavi was a sitting duck.

"No!" With a shout of frantic denial Kanda launched himself through the air, running desperately in an attempt to put himself between the Akuma and the redhead before it could strike. Even if the damned thing hadn't been capable of teleporting, he could tell he wasn't going to make it in time.

"You can't take him _either_!" the Akuma shrieked, enraged. It lashed out with its uninjured claw, and Kanda saw Lavi close his eye and brace himself for the blow.

It never fell - at least, not on Lavi. With a heavy sound of impact the claw struck Bookman and sent him spinning away from his heir. The old man hit the ground hard, but to his credit he was already scrambling to get to his feet the moment after he landed. He stumbled away from Lavi as fast as he could, obviously intending to draw the Akuma off while its attention was on him.

It pounced like a kitten on a ball of yarn, landing on Bookman's back and pushing the old man hard into the ground. He thrashed, trying uselessly to throw it off, and it lifted its claw with the clear intention of running the old man through.

" _Bookman_!" Lavi screamed, his voice choked with helpless denial. He fought free of the last of his restraints and lunged towards the Akuma as if he planned to push it off his master with his bare hands.

Kanda had a split second to make a decision; he could try to beat the Akuma back off of Bookman, or he could stop Lavi from entering the fray.

He didn't even think about it, throwing himself bodily at the redhead and tackling the bigger man hard into the ground. "No! No, Bookman!" Lavi screamed again, the words raw with emotion. He writhed against Kanda's hold, trying to get free to reach his master. "No! Yuu, get off me, get the fuck off me, I've gotta help him!"

"There's nothing you can do!" Kanda reminded him through gritted teeth, fighting to keep him pinned. Lavi outweighed him by a good fifteen pounds, all of it muscle, and only leverage and the redhead's own panic was allowing Kanda to keep him down. "You don't have your Innocence, you'll only be killed as well!"

"Then _you_ stop it!" Lavi insisted wildly, still twisting under Kanda's grip. "Do something, Yuu!"

With a gleeful laugh that was all the more disturbing for the psychotic quality of it, the Akuma finally plunged its claw straight down into the earth, right through the old man's chest. Bookman cried out once, then fell utterly silent, his body limp against the ground.

Kanda felt sick, but it was Lavi who shouted a heartbroken denial. The redhead finally broke free of Kanda's hold and scrambled to his feet, running for his master. Kanda was right behind him, but Lavi was too fast for him to catch the other man again.

"Get off him!" the redhead yelled at the Akuma. "You fucking bastard, get the hell away from him!"

Stopping short just out of the Akuma's reach, he caught Kanda completely by surprise when he spun and snatched at Mugen. Startled, Kanda wasn't quite able to keep his grip on his Innocence, and Lavi managed to get it away from him. With a wordless snarl the redhead lunged for the Akuma before Kanda could stop him, apparently forgetting his own earlier declaration that he wouldn't have been able to use Mugen against the Akuma in the previous battle.

Sure enough, Mugen had gone dark and lifeless in Lavi's grip, the silver shine of the blade vanishing the moment it left Kanda's hand. Deactivated, it was nothing more than an ordinary sword of good quality, and it had no more hope of hurting the Akuma than a wooden stick.

Kanda's heart leapt into his throat and he nearly choked on it, certain he was about to watch Lavi be killed right in front of him. Instead the Akuma teleported once again, perhaps not understanding that it couldn't be hurt by the Innocence if it was in the wrong hands.

Tensed for the next attack, Kanda scanned the area, but there was no sign of the Akuma. Lavi stood there panting for a moment, looking around as well, but when the monster didn't reappear he seemed to forget about it. Dropping Mugen carelessly to the dirt, he stumbled forward and went to his knees beside his fallen master.

Kanda stepped closer and retrieved his Innocence, reactivating it quickly. All he could do was stand guard as Lavi bent over Bookman's body, weeping.

"No, no, please don't leave me, not like this," the redhead cried, tugging uselessly at the old man's limp arm. "Bookman, please, you can't leave me, I'm not ready! I'm not ready, you always _say_ I'm not ready, and gods know I've proved you right over this last week. _Please_ , don't leave me alone!"

There was no response, of course; the old man had been dead the moment after the claw had struck him. Lavi gathered Bookman's body close to him and hunched over it, much as he had done when Kanda had been struck by the Akuma virus. Now, as then, the redhead cried with deep wracking sobs and a soft, keening wail that was somehow more heartwrenching than any other sound could have been.

Still the Akuma didn't show itself, and Kanda started to wonder if it had actually run off. Why? It had been winning, it had to have known that. If it had reappeared and struck before Kanda had retrieved his sword, it would all have been over.

The smart thing to do would have been to remain on guard. It might have been waiting for them to let their guard down. But Kanda couldn't just stand there and ignore Lavi's soul-deep pain, he couldn't. Sinking to his knees, he set Mugen beside him where he could reach it quickly and drew Lavi back against his chest.

"You're not alone," he told the other man, struggling for the right words. He'd never been good at offering sympathy, never bothered to learn more than the empty polite phrases people used when they were insincere about their condolences. Lavi was hurt and needed him, and he didn't know how to help. It just about killed him.

"You're not alone," he repeated, trying to put conviction behind the words. "I'm here. I won't leave you."

Gently he pried Lavi's fingers from the old man's body, pulling the redhead deeper into the circle of his arms instead. At last Lavi turned and buried his face in Kanda's shoulder, crying into his shirt and clutching at him hard enough to leave bruises behind.

"He's the only family I've ever had," the redhead murmured wretchedly. "The only constant in my entire life. I'm not ready, I'm _not_ , I can't do this on my own! I thought I'd have another year or two, and then he'd retire and still be there in case I needed him. I still have too much to learn, I can't control my emotions properly, I'm not _ready_!"

"Nobody is ever ready for something like this," Kanda replied, his own voice hoarse. Lavi's grief was affecting him too; he'd never particularly cared for the Bookman, but he did love Lavi and couldn't stand to see the other man hurting this way. "All you can do is move on, and do your best. He probably didn't think he was ready when his mentor died, either."

He wasn't sure if his words were making any impact or not; Lavi was still sobbing brokenly into his shoulder, and Kanda didn't know what else to say. "I'm here," he said again, because it was the only thing he had to offer.

He just hoped it would be enough.


	9. Chapter 9

Eventually Lavi's heartwrenching sobs eased off into normal crying, and he stopped making that awful keening noise. Kanda continued to hold him, not knowing what else to do. It did seem the other man was taking some comfort from his embrace, at least.

When even the crying had turned into the occasional sniffle, Kanda pulled back just far enough to let him get a look at the redhead. Lavi's face was blotched, and the tears had created tracks in the mud on his cheek. He had his eye closed and was struggling to even out his breathing, probably fighting for control.

"Lavi..." Kanda started, but the redhead opened his eye and shook his head wordlessly. Sighing, Kanda rolled his eyes. He didn't know why the other man was objecting to him using the name now, but if it would make the redhead feel better not to be 'Lavi' then Kanda could oblige him. "Fine, Trey then..."

To his surprise Lavi cut him off again, reaching up and pressing a finger over Kanda's lips. "No, Yuu," he said, his voice hoarse but steady. "I'm the Bookman now. I don't have a name."

Staring down at him, Kanda absorbed that. There was something about the other man's expression that suggested he'd been forced to grow up a great deal in the last few minutes, a sort of sorrowful maturity that hadn't been there before. He might not feel like he was ready for the responsibility yet, but Kanda thought he'd do a better job than he gave himself credit for.

"All right, Bookman," he agreed. It felt weird to say it, and he grimaced. "It's going to take me a while to get used to calling you that," he warned.

Lavi - no, Bookman - gave a watery chuckle. "Yeah, well, it's going to take me a while to get used to answering to it, so we're even," he replied. He pulled free of Kanda's embrace and stood, looking shaky but determined. "We have to get back to the city. Obviously the Akuma isn't still here, or it would have killed us by now. It might have decided to use our distraction as an opportunity to ransack Mafeking."

Picking up Mugen, Kanda nodded and stood as well. He deactivated the Innocence and slid it home in its sheath. He could worry about cleaning it later, it would just have to stay muddy for the moment. "What about..." Not certain how to say it, he glanced down at the former Bookman's body.

The new Bookman gazed down at his mentor with an expression that almost managed to be neutral, then looked out over the pit mine. "How deep do you think that mud's gotta be, to have hidden that Akuma?" he asked softly. "Six or seven feet?"

"At least," Kanda agreed, but frowned. "What if it dries up, though?"

Bookman laughed wryly. "Yuu, this _is_ the dry season," he said. "It won't get any drier than this. He deserves better," he added, looking down at his master again. "But it's not like he's got any 'home' I could take him to and bury him. I'm the closest thing to family he had. And we don't have time to bury him here. Help me?" He crouched down by the body, taking the old man's shoulders and preparing to lift him.

Wordlessly Kanda took the feet, and together they carried the body down to the bottom of the mine where the pool of sludge had formed. It seemed horribly disrespectful for them to just dump the old man in, but Bookman was right that they didn't have the time for more. It was better than leaving the body out for scavenging animals to get at, he supposed.

With an effort they swung the body out over the mud pit and let go. It fell near the centre and began to sink immediately, so at least they didn't have to worry about it staying at the surface.

Bookman turned resolutely away, not bothering to watch as the body slowly disappeared under the mud. Kanda put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked, still concerned about the redhead's state of mind.

"I'll manage," Bookman replied, but gave him a small, grateful smile. He seemed very firmly entrenched in that unknown third personality now, and Kanda was more certain than ever that it was the 'real' one. Somehow, he didn't think there would be any more slips back into previous personae.

They headed back to Mafeking at a run, side by side as they raced over the veldt. "What if it's _not_ attacking the city?" Kanda wanted to know. "It might have gone to ground to lick its wounds, instead. I did manage to hurt it fairly badly. How will we find it again?"

"Trust me, Yuu, I don't think finding it is ever going to be a problem," Bookman said. "It seems to want you dead pretty bad. It might hole up for a little while, but it'll be back before long. Probably even before it's healed completely. It doesn't seem entirely sane." He paused for a moment, then shook his head. "Lemme rephrase that. It seems even less sane than most Akuma."

Snorting with reluctant amusement, Kanda kept a sharp eye on their surroundings. "It looks like most of the British soldiers have been turned into Akuma, if not all of them," he warned the other man. "We came under fire when we were chasing after you. Not nearly as many Akuma as I've seen in one place before, but a lot more than I would have expected. I think you're right and it must have a way to create more Akuma."

"I'd rather have been wrong about this one," Bookman sighed. "If they were all survivors from the last fight, then we wouldn't have to worry quite so much about one escaping and doing it all over again. We'll have to make sure we get every last one." He made a frustrated noise. "I hate being useless! I wish I had my hammer."

"I wish you did, too," Kanda admitted. Even with two Exorcists this would have been a tough battle. Working on his own, he honestly wasn't certain he could kill the damned thing. "But you don't, so we'll just have to deal with it. We'll worry about taking out the second level first, then go after the first levels. Like you said before, your job will be helping me track them all down."

"And doing dick all otherwise," Bookman muttered sourly, barely loud enough for Kanda to hear him. Kanda chose to save his breath for running rather than answering, because there was nothing he could really say.

Kanda had fully expected another attack by the 'soldiers' on the way back to Mafeking, but they didn't so much as glimpse a patrol on the horizon. Far from making him happy, he worried about the implications. Had they been called off to regroup with the second level, or were they on a rampage in the city right that moment? Somehow he very much doubted that he'd managed to destroy them all on his way to the mine.

The sun was just setting as they reached the outskirts. There should have been people out on the streets, cramming in their last minute errands before the curfew imposed by the British troops came into effect, but everything was eerily silent. The hair rose on the back of Kanda's neck as they ran through street after empty street, with so sign that anyone even lived there.

"You don't suppose they're _all_ Akuma, and they're waiting for us?" he asked Bookman in horror. There was no way he could destroy that many Akuma by himself.

"No, I think they're all hiding," Bookman replied grimly. "Either mewed up in their houses, or in the shafts of the gold mine. There's been another attack. The inn is gone."

"What?" They were still three streets away, and not within sight of the building. Kanda stared at him, and nearly tripped over an uneven cobblestone. "How do you know that?"

Bookman pointed in the direction of the inn. "The line of the rooftops is different," he said. "The inn and both buildings on either side are missing. See the gap?"

Squinting in the direction Bookman was indicating, Kanda finally found the suspiciously empty area in the skyline. He would never have noticed it if Bookman hadn't pointed it out. "Shit," he swore, and picked up his pace. "Taking you as a hostage worked so well, it must have decided to go back for Marysa."

"It hasn't been paying enough attention, then," Bookman replied wryly. "It's pretty obvious to anyone with eyes that you don't like her much." He matched his pace to Kanda's, stretching out his long legs and running with an ease Kanda envied.

Turning the corner of the cross street nearest to the inn, they were confronted by a scene of utter chaos and devastation. All that was left of the inn was a pile of debris, smoking and charred in some places and nothing but rubble in others. The buildings on either side had been damaged extensively as well, but nothing beyond them had been touched. It was clear that the inn had been the target of the attack.

Kanda winced. He was still alive, so obviously the lotus hadn't been destroyed, but finding it in that mess was going to take a while.

Faint sobbing reached them as they slowed and approached more cautiously. Kanda had drawn and activated Mugen the moment they'd seen the destruction, and he held it warily before him now. Bookman stayed two steps behind him, far enough back that he wouldn't be in the way if Kanda needed to fight.

They found Marysa in the remains of the tiny backyard, the dry grass liberally strewn with wreckage from the building. She knelt beside the body of her father, crying into her hands. Her hair was falling out of its pins, and her dress was torn and dirtied. Blood showed dark against the pale blue cloth in several places, but not all of it was hers.

It wasn't difficult to tell how Dirck van den Dool had died; they'd seen another corpse far too similar very recently. The man's body had been crushed into the ground, then run through from above with a large object.

Kanda glanced over his shoulder to see how Bookman was taking it, afraid the reminder would be too much for him. The wound of his master's death was still too fresh, and it might not take much to break through the wall the redhead had put over the hurt.

To his surprise, Bookman's eye was fixed on Marysa rather than Dirck. "Yuu," he said as he moved up beside Kanda. He kept his voice too low to carry, but it was flat and devoid of emotion. "Look at her arm."

Confused, Kanda looked back at Marysa. Her sleeve was the bloodiest part of her dress, and it looked like her hand had been inured as well. Her entire left shoulder and upper arm were soaked with blood, but oddly, there didn't seem to be any damage to the dress.

He opened his mouth to ask what it was Bookman had wanted to draw his attention to, but realization blindsided him before he could get the first word out. Left shoulder and upper arm. Left hand. Those were the places he'd wounded the Akuma, back in the pit mine.

Could they really have been living with an Akuma all this time and not have realized it? Kanda was perfectly capable of believing that anyone could be a potential Akuma, no matter how innocent they seemed, but _surely_ Bookman and Trey would have seen some sign of it in the six months they'd spent at the inn? "You don't seriously think..."

He was talking to himself, because Bookman had already moved past him. He had his 'Trey' face on, his expression full of concern and fear for Marysa as he hurried towards the girl. "Marysa! What happened?" he called, and his voice was Trey's as well.

Looking up from her hands, Marysa sniffled once and wailed as she threw herself at the redhead. Kanda tensed, expecting Bookman to dodge, but the other man caught and held the hysterical girl in a tender embrace. Now thoroughly baffled, Kanda tried to figure out what was going through Bookman's head. If he thought Marysa was the Akuma, why was he letting her get so close?

"It was _awful_ ," she sobbed into Bookman's shirt, clutching at him. Unlike the redhead, her face didn't go blotchy from crying; even dishevelled and dirty, she looked like a pretty little doll. "The monster came back, and it said it had k-killed you and Kanda, and that it was going to kill us because you'd h-hurt it, and then it started tearing the inn apart! Papa tried to s-stop it, and he told me to run, but it... it..." With a renewed burst of tears, she buried her face in Bookman's chest. "And now Papa's dead, and I'm all alone! I don't want to be alone, please, Trey, you won't l-leave me now, will you? P-please..."

Bookman had gently manoeuvred her so they were standing in profile to Kanda. Now he drew back, running his hands down her arms as if he intended to clasp her hands reassuringly in his. Instead when he reached her wrists he clamped down hard, stepping back and jerking sharply to twist her arms behind her back. He ended up with her held out away from his body, his hands tight on her wrists as he pulled them up between her shoulder blades. "Do it," he told Kanda, turning an empty gaze to the other Exorcist.

"What? Trey! You're hurting me!" Marysa cried, struggling. "What are you doing?"

A flicker of impatience crossed Bookman's otherwise blank expression. "What are you waiting for, Yuu? Run it through!"

"Trey!" Marysa shrieked as he yanked her wrists higher to stop her from fighting. "Trey, please, you can't do this! I don't understand, please don't hurt me, please! I love you!"

Kanda stood frozen, Mugen held tightly in his hand, staring back at Bookman. It wasn't uncertainty over whether Marysa was really the Akuma that stopped him. It was the utter lack of expression in the redhead's visible eye.

As Trey, the other man had lived with Marysa for over six months, thinking she was a normal girl all that time. He'd made friends with her, laughed and played with her, comforted her when she was upset. Even if he completely believed that she was the Akuma, anyone else would have shown _some_ trace of regret or remorse at being forced to kill someone they'd known that well.

Kanda had listened when the redhead explained that the Bookmen didn't see other people as anything but pieces of history, but he hadn't really understood. Even the revelation that it was only in his last months at the Order that Lavi had started to lose track of when he was acting hadn't quite driven home the idea that for the rest of those years, Lavi _hadn't cared_ about them. That even as he laughed and teased them and proclaimed himself their friend, they had been nothing more to him than subjects to be written about.

Now, looking at the total lack of emotion in the redhead's eye, Kanda finally understood what it meant that his lover was the Bookman.

And a traitorous part of him now had to wonder whether Bookman would be able to casually hold him for slaughter the same way he was doing now with Marysa. Had _anything_ 'Lavi' said to him been the truth? Yes, he'd admitted that Kanda had gotten under his guard, but wouldn't he have assured Marysa of the same thing if she'd asked? Did their relationship actually mean a damn thing, or was the real reason the redhead had been insistent on leaving him behind to carry on as a Bookman been that he'd never actually cared in the first place?

Kanda couldn't be sure, and the uncertainty paralysed him for that critical moment.

"Yuu!" Bookman exclaimed, irritated now. "What are you... shit!"

With a shriek of inhuman anger, Marysa writhed in his grip and suddenly began to expand, dropping her disguise as a normal human and taking on her true appearance as the Akuma. Bookman was forced to let go and scramble back out of the way to keep from being crushed, and he swore.

"You!" the Akuma cried, turning and lashing out at Kanda. He broke free of his vicious circle of doubts just fast enough to dodge, hitting the ground hard and rolling to avoid the stab of its claw that he knew was coming. It wasn't terribly creative in its attack patterns, which was the only thing that kept him alive as it came after him.

"This is all your fault!" it raged, striking at him again and again. He managed to get Mugen up to block each blow, but only barely. It was too damned fast for him to try to counter or parry in any way; it was all he could do to keep himself in one piece. "Trey _loves_ me, I know he does!" it continued. If it had been truly alive it would have been frothing at the mouth, it was so lost in its anger. "He was going to stay with me forever and love me always, and nothing was going to come between us. Until _you_ came! You changed everything, you did something to him and now he's different! If I kill you, then everything will go back the way it was!"

Bookman had been right, Kanda realized with a chill that ran down his spine and nearly made him stumble. No Akuma could ever be referred to as 'sane', but this one was a lot more unhinged than most.

Taking a chance, he broke the pattern of strike-and-block and ran to one side, forcing the Akuma to turn to follow him. It started to lash out again, then hesitated when it realized that Bookman was now directly behind Kanda. It couldn't hit Kanda without striking them both.

That moment of respite was all Kanda had needed. "Kaichuu: Ichigen!" he shouted, and Mugen's blade dissolved into the swarm of Hell's Insects. They shot straight towards the Akuma, and it shrieked in fear and disappeared.

It reappeared on the roof of a nearby building, perched like a grotesque and massively oversized bird. "This isn't over!" it hissed. "I'm going to kill you and get my Trey back, if I have to destroy the entire city to do it!"

Kanda sent the Insects after it again, but it vanished once more. This time it didn't return. Judging by its previous tactics it had probably run off again, but he didn't let his guard down as he called the Insects back into Mugen's blade.

"Why did you hesitate?" Bookman demanded angrily, coming up to him. "We had her cold, Yuu! You could have ended it right there! Didn't you believe me that she was the Akuma? The wound pattern matched exactly!"

"No, I believed you," Kanda replied, subdued as he looked back at the redhead. He searched Bookman's eye for some sign of the truth, wondering if he would even know it if he saw it. How many layers of illusion were there to this man? How deep did the deceit go? "I just... your face, your expression, it..."

Understanding filled Bookman's gaze, and his face went carefully blank again. It was that same neutral expression he'd used before to hide what he was feeling - if he was feeling anything at all. Maybe it wasn't a mask after all. Maybe this _was_ the 'real' him.

"You realized that I didn't feel a damned thing for her, even though I'd been pretending to be her friend all this time," Bookman concluded with unsettling accuracy. "Did you think I wasn't telling you the truth when I explained things to you? Or did you just not believe it was possible for a human being to be that ruthless?"

"I've seen plenty of ruthless, heartless humans," Kanda answered him slowly. "I've even met some who were just as good as you at acting like they weren't. I just... if it had been me who was the Akuma, would you feel remorse? Or would you be just as empty as you were for her?"

Bookman met him stare for stare, still not allowing anything to show in his face. "Yuu, if you have to ask that, then part of you already believes I wouldn't care. And nothing I say or do will convince you, because you'll always wonder if it's just another lie, another act." He swallowed, and grief and regret flitted briefly through his eye before he got control of his expression again.

And he was right, damn him, he was right. Kanda instantly wondered if that momentary sorrow had been real, or calculated. How could he ever be sure?


	10. Chapter 10

"Come on," Bookman said, turning away and finally breaking their staring contest. "We need to follow it and hit it now, while it's still off-balance and injured."

The Akuma wasn't the only one left off-balance. Feeling like the entire world had tipped onto its side, Kanda followed after him when the redhead took off down the street. "Where are we going?" he asked, doing his best to shove his personal issues into the background where they belonged. Kill the Akuma first, worry about his love life second. It seemed like a reasonable set of priorities, but it was harder to stick to than it should have been.

"The British barracks," Bookman replied grimly. "You said it seems to be using the soldiers to make its Akuma, so I've got a hunch it'll head for its power base. It'll want as much backup as it can get to face you. With any luck, that will mean it will call in all the first levels it's made, and that'll be the end of it."

"With any luck," Kanda repeated sourly. Assuming they didn't miss one, or that there wasn't another second level somewhere in the world doing the same thing as this one.

One step at a time, he reminded himself. Even with it already injured, defeating this Akuma was going to take everything he had, and he couldn't afford to lose focus.

His gaze drifted to the side, watching Bookman's blank expression. Lavi had always laughed and made jokes as they went into battle. It had irritated him to no end, but now he found himself desperately missing it.

Realizing what he was doing, he wrenched his attention back to the job at hand. Focus, damn it, he needed to focus.

Thankfully a distraction presented itself as they neared the barracks. "Oh look, they've got a welcoming committee," Bookman said dryly as six first level Akuma rose into the air and aimed their cannons. "You go have fun, and I'll just... stay the hell out of your way."

"Do that," Kanda agreed, and leapt into the air. He didn't even bother with the Insects to deal with these; he didn't really need them, and he wanted to conserve his strength for the second level. With a shout he carved through the Akuma, leaving them to explode behind him as he landed.

Four more came at him from the side, and he cut through them just as easily as he had the first group. In the close confines forced by the proximity of the buildings, they couldn't strike at him long-range as they had been doing out on the veldt on the way to the mine, so he didn't have nearly as much trouble dealing with them.

Trouble or not, though, each set of battles drained him a little more. His energy wasn't infinite, and he didn't have any kind of backup. If anything having Bookman with him was a liability, because he had to be certain not to let any of the Akuma get close enough to hurt the redhead, but it was better than leaving him behind for Marysa to take him as a hostage again.

Worse, the Akuma were slowly destroying the buildings in the area, creating more and more space for them to attack him from. Soon there would be nothing but rubble in a wide circle, and he wouldn't have the advantage of close confines any more.

Landing after dealing with another group, Kanda tried to catch his breath and looked around him. There were still at least a dozen of the monsters hanging in the sky, but instead of rushing at him en masse, this time only one broke free of the cluster and came for him.

Jumping high, Kanda cut through it with two easy strokes, then used it as a push-off point to change his momentum in mid-air just before it exploded. That let him reach the second Akuma that was following behind it, but the third was far enough back that he had to land and run towards it. After that one was dealt with there were no more in close range, but the moment his feet touched the ground he was forced to dive to one side to avoid a rain of bullets.

The area now looked like it had been the site of a dozen bombings, but the wanton destruction at least gave him plenty of potential cover. Cursing as he ducked behind a broken wall to give himself a moment to breathe, Kanda realized the damned things were attacking one at a time on purpose. If he had to deal with them individually, it used up that much more of his strength. Marysa was sacrificing her troops to try to wear him down. She could always create more, after all.

Bookman's bright red hair stood out even with all the dust hanging in the air, and made him easy to spot. He was crouched in the shelter of a more solid piece of building, peering cautiously around the side to try to track the progress. What he hoped to accomplish other than making a target of himself Kanda wasn't sure. With a snarl, Kanda decided he was probably just worried about getting all the details for his precious records.

Personal problems later, he reminded himself as he jumped out from behind his wall seconds before an Akuma shattered it.

Well, if the Akuma wouldn't come to him, he'd just have to go to them. He couldn't afford to let them chip away at him like this. "Kaichuu: Ichigen!" he shouted, and let the Insects swarm up and away from him.

Stupid as they were, most of the first levels had drifted into a single cluster while they each waited their turn to strike at him. The Hell's Insects tore through them like the biblical plague of locusts. The resulting explosion was stronger than he'd expected it to be, and drove him briefly to his knees.

With a shriek that was rapidly becoming familiar, the second-level finally revealed itself. It teleported in right beside him and struck at him almost too fast for him to dodge. The edge of its claw scraped down his side close enough to tear his jacket, but didn't quite make contact with his skin.

There was nothing left of Marysa in the grotesque, oversized monster, but it was hard not to think of it as 'she' now that he knew who it had been. "I want you broken and bleeding at my feet!" it screamed at him as it attacked him with a frenzied series of blows. Once again he was reduced to simply blocking, unable to strike back through the impossibly fast flurry.

"Behind you!" he heard Bookman shout from his protected corner, and Kanda swore. There was no time to look over his shoulder to see exactly what the threat was; he pushed off to one side and got out of range just in time as a line of glowing bullets stitched their way over the space he'd been standing in. One of them actually struck the second level, and with an angry shriek it lashed out with its claw and summarily crushed the first level.

Now that had possibilities. Regaining his feet, Kanda deliberately ran for the nearest remaining cluster of first level Akuma. When they turned to fire on him, he reversed direction abruptly and went straight back towards Marysa. As he'd hoped, they continued to fire even after he'd ducked behind the second level and struck it instead.

"Stop!" it shouted, and swatted at them in irritation. "Stop it! You're supposed to hit him, not me!" Unfortunately it didn't damage these ones as badly as the first, but it did leave them staggered.

"It's just so hard to find good help these days, isn't it?" Bookman called, and Kanda snorted with hastily suppressed amusement. It seemed the new Bookman hadn't abandoned his sense of humour entirely. Somehow that made Kanda feel a little better about everything.

He summoned the Hell's Insects once again, and sent them flying towards the first levels. Agilely dodging Marysa's flailing attacks, the Insects zipped through the cluster of Akuma and destroyed the whole group before returning to Kanda. That left less than half a dozen remaining that he could see, and there hadn't been any new ones appearing for the last few minutes. Kanda dared to hope Marysa was running out of them.

Twisting, he lunged towards the second level even before the Insects had reformed Mugen's blade. He knew the timing of his Innocence's second level attack down to the split second, and the blade was solid in his hands again an instant before he struck the Akuma. It threw itself backwards and kept him from landing the killing blow he'd hoped for, but he did manage to damage its leg. Now hopefully it wouldn't be able to move quite so damned fast.

Of course it could still teleport at will, and it promptly vanished. Kanda spun on his heel and lifted Mugen to block the blow he already knew was coming, and even managed a quick counterstrike before it disappeared again. This time he ducked and rolled, and the bullets it fired from a distance passed harmlessly over his head.

"Argh! Stay still!" it demanded, frustrated. Smirking, Kanda leapt into the air and took out two more of the first levels, leaving only three more to deal with. He landed just in time to parry another strike from the second level, but it disappeared again before he could make contact with it.

Apparently realizing that it had become too predictable, the second level changed its tactics. It started teleporting in and out in all directions, sometimes lashing out at him and sometimes not. The sun was well and truly down now, and the shadows gave it plenty of ways to hide its new location until the last moment before it attacked.

Kanda twisted and wove and dodged, blocking and parrying and occasionally striking back but never landing a serious hit. Whenever he passed close enough to one of the hovering first levels he slashed at it and destroyed it, but that trick only worked twice before the remaining Akuma pulled further back to avoid him.

The second level was hopping around too fast and too randomly for him to predict now. Deciding there was no point in wasting effort trying to chase it down, Kanda gritted his teeth and stood his ground, turning this way and that to try to see the whole area around him at once. He briefly considered trying to put a wall at his back, but dismissed the notion when he realized the Akuma could easily strike through it and the wall would prevent him from seeing it coming.

"Left!" Bookman shouted suddenly, startling him. Without questioning it, Kanda shifted and executed a block to his left. The claw he'd never even seen coming struck Mugen's blade instead of punching through his ribs, but it was gone again before he could counter. "Front!" Bookman called. Again Kanda moved without looking, and again he blocked an unseen attack.

Risking a quick glance around between blows, Kanda saw that Bookman had climbed up to a vantage point where he could see the entire battleground at once. From there he could see where the Akuma appeared, often spotting it before Kanda did.

Putting his faith in the other man's incredible attention to detail, Kanda stopped even attempting to see the damned thing and just followed Bookman's shouted instructions. He kept his eyes fixed on the ground so he wouldn't trip over the uneven footing, but otherwise did his best to pay no attention to his surroundings.

He treated it like a training exercise, flowing from block to parry and back again in time to an external rhythm. His response time improved noticeably as soon as he stopped trying to stay in control, and he was able to start striking back instead of just blocking.

Each time he felt Mugen bite into something solid, the second level shrieked in pain and anger. Kanda was forced to wonder if his hearing would ever be quite the same, but at least he had a fighting chance.

Suddenly Marysa started screaming continuously, the high-pitched wail blocking the sound of Bookman's voice. Unable to hear the next instruction, Kanda stumbled briefly and wrenched his focus back to his surroundings. The second level was just out of reach, shrieking its head off but not attacking. What was it...

Bookman jumped down from his perch and ran towards him, his frantic shouts drowned in the scream. He gestured urgently, and Kanda finally realized he was yelling 'duck!'.

Too late, he tried to dive forward, but the rain of bullets struck him squarely in the back. He'd forgotten about the one remaining first level, and he felt the Akuma virus searing through his system even as his body jerked from the impact of the bullets.

With a desperate effort Kanda twisted as he fell to put his back to the ground. From somewhere he found the strength to summon the Hell's Insects again even through the pain, and aimed Mugen straight at the flying Akuma. The Insects tore through it the same way agony was ripping through him, and Kanda felt like he was flying to pieces much like the Akuma.

Marysa had stopped shrieking, but the high-pitched giggles weren't much better than the screaming had been. "Now you're mine!" the second level crowed. He tried to turn the Insects against her, but he couldn't seem to focus through the pain. It planted one clawed foot on him and leaned its full weight on it, threatening to crush his legs and hips.

"You'll die the same way Bookman died, and nobody will ever try to take my Trey from me again!" it hissed, its eyes glittering down at him with an expression of pure madness. Kanda grunted and struggled to reform Mugen's blade so he could strike, but as the Akuma lifted one claw to run him through he knew he wasn't going to be fast enough.

With one last pleased laugh the Akuma drove its claw downwards, and Kanda did his best to brace himself for what was likely to be an incredibly painful last few seconds of life. Not even the lotus spell would be able to heal him from this.

"No!" The agonized cry sounded like it had been torn from Bookman's throat. The redhead threw himself down on his knees beside Kanda and leaned over him, spreading his arms wide. From that position Marysa couldn't run Kanda through without striking him as well.

By some miracle, the Akuma managed to stop the descent of its claw before it hit Bookman. The tip of it was less than an inch from the redhead's forehead, but he glared up at her with no sign of fear in his green eye. "You'll have to go through me, first," he rasped, refusing to budge.

"Trey..." Suddenly it was Marysa standing there again, wide blue eyes staring at the two of them as she reached out to Bookman in supplication. In that form she was weak, and if Kanda could just hit her once he could destroy her for good. He struggled against his uncoordinated body, but the virus still had too strong a hold on him and he couldn't force his limbs to respond the way he wanted them to.

"Trey, please. Come away, I'll make it all better and then nothing will ever come between us. I love you, and I'll always protect you and take care of you, I promise. Just move so I can deal with him." She took a step towards them, her eyes filling with tears and hand still outstretched.

"Over my dead body," Bookman snarled. Leaning down in a lightning-fast movement, he grabbed Kanda's shoulder and hauled him upright. With his other hand he snatched at Kanda's right wrist, holding that arm steady as he threw them both towards Marysa.

Despite the way the virus was eating at Kanda's control, he hadn't dropped his Innocence. With Bookman guiding his hand, Mugen's blade slid home in Marysa's chest all the way to the hilt, and lodged there. She clutched at it, a lost and bewildered look spreading over her face as she stared at Bookman.

"Now, Yuu!" the redhead ordered hoarsely, keeping his gaze locked on hers.

"Kaichuu: Ichigen!" Kanda forced the words out with an effort of will. They were garbled and incoherent, but it was the intent that mattered. Mugen's blade exploded into the swarm of Insects, and Marysa exploded along with it. She screamed one last time, still reaching one hand out to Bookman, and was gone.

The backwash of the explosion sent them both sprawling out over the broken street, the impact hard enough to drive the little air that remained out of Kanda's lungs. He coughed and fought to breathe, staring at his hand and willing the black stars on his skin to disappear. He still had no real control over his body, and if even one first level remained it could cut them down where they lay.

"Yuu?" Bookman struggled up onto his knees, and tugged Kanda's body into a more comfortable position. That made it easier for Kanda to breathe, and still nothing had attacked them. "Yuu, are you okay? Shit, please, say something. How bad did it hurt you? Yuu?"

"I'm... okay," Kanda choked out, slowly regaining the use of his body as the stars began to fade at last. He made a mental note never to get hit by the damned virus again, because he didn't think he could handle it if it hurt worse and lasted longer than it had this time. At least the injuries caused by the bullets themselves weren't too bad for him to heal relatively quickly. "I'll be okay."

"Thank the gods," the redhead breathed out, and bowed his head until Kanda couldn't see his eye any more. "Then, once you can move, we'd better check around and make sure that was the last of them. I think it was; if there had been any more first levels out there, it would have called on them to save itself."

He moved as if he was going to stand, and Kanda snapped one hand out to close around his arm. Startled, Bookman looked at him again. Kanda was just as startled to realize there was a sheen of unshed tears in the other man's eye.

"Idiot," Kanda said, his voice rough. "Why did you throw yourself in front of me? What if it hadn't pulled the blow?"

"I knew it would," Bookman replied emotionlessly, and neither his voice nor his expression betrayed the tears Kanda could still see. "I noticed early in the fight that all of the first levels were avoiding coming anywhere near where I'd taken cover, and killing me wouldn't have done much for its plan to keep me with it forever."

"You cut it damned close," Kanda snapped back, still shaken by how near the redhead had come to being killed. "What if it hadn't been _able_ to keep from hitting you? What happened to your supposed objectivity, huh? You won't keep very good records if you're dead."

Pain twisted briefly over Bookman's face before he got himself back under control. "I couldn't bear to lose you the same way, all right?" he snapped, and wrenched his hand free of Kanda's grip. "Think what you want of me, but I refuse to just stand back and lose you _both_ on the same day!"

He turned away, his shoulders tense and spine ramrod straight, fairly radiating tension. Kanda suddenly had trouble breathing again, but this time it had nothing to do with his injuries.

 _He_ was the idiot, not the redhead. There was no possible way he could doubt that the earlier show of grief over Bookman's death had been real; it had been too visceral and emotional to be faked. Only hours before - had it really been less than a day? - Lavi had been crying over _him_ exactly the same way, thinking he was dying from the Akuma virus. How could he have forgotten that?

"I'm... I'm sorry," he managed, pushing himself to his feet with a painful effort. "I'm a fool. I shouldn't have doubted you. I'm sorry." Kanda had now offered more apologies to this man than in all the rest of his life combined, but he'd never meant anything so sincerely as he did these words.

When he put a hand on Bookman's shoulder the other man turned warily to face him. The redhead couldn't quite manage to hold the perfectly neutral expression, and one tear tracked its way slowly over his cheek. "Yeah? And how long before you forget whatever it is that convinced you this time, and doubt me again? I'm not going to change, Yuu. This is the real me. There are exactly two people in the entire world who've ever truly mattered to me, and one of them is dead. No matter what it seems like on the surface, I see everyone else as ink on paper and I always will."

Kanda could have argued that, could have thrown the redhead's own words about the way he'd reluctantly come to care for those in the Order back in his face, but he didn't. He knew what Bookman was driving at, and he couldn't argue the basic point. It was unlikely that the other man would ever again spend long enough in such an intense situation to form attachments the way he had in the Order.

"But I've seen the truth once already," Kanda reminded him. He matched Bookman stare for stare, refusing to back down or give in. "The first time it shocked me enough that I stopped thinking for a minute, but you can't surprise me like that again. I won't forget that you cried over me the same way you did for Bookman."

"Maybe." The redhead looked away, lowering his gaze. He pulled out from under Kanda's hand and put some distance between them, still not looking back.

Deciding against pushing the argument, Kanda let him go. Only time would prove that he was telling the truth, and convince the other man that Kanda wouldn't doubt him again. He had only himself to blame for Bookman's uncertainty of him, and he knew it.

"Let's go check the barracks," he suggested, picking his way over the broken ground. "I'd rather be certain that all the Akuma are dealt with before we try to find a place to sleep tonight." And if Bookman thought this was the end of things between them, he was going to find himself sorely mistaken.

Time _would_ prove Kanda right, and he was bound and determined that nothing would stop it from happening.


	11. Epilogue

Sunrise was little more than a hint in the eastern sky, and the rolling plains of the veldt around Mafeking were still blanketed in shadows. The gate to the city should have been securely shut against night attacks from the guerrilla fighters that dotted the countryside, but it opened slowly and silently to allow yet another shadow through the protective wall.

Tucked into a darker corner, Kanda watched without any real feeling of surprise. He'd expected this, or he wouldn't have stayed up through the night in order to be out here guarding the gate.

"So you're just going to leave without saying goodbye?" he called, keeping his voice flat and unemotional, as if he was discussing the weather.

Bookman jumped and spun to face him, one hand over his heart. "Yuu! Will you stop _doing_ that? If I had my hammer I'd have smashed you to pieces out of reflex!"

"Maybe, but you don't have your hammer," he pointed out ruthlessly, pushing away from the wall and moving so they could see each other clearly in the pre-dawn light. "You didn't answer me."

"I..." Bookman met his gaze for all of maybe ten seconds, then looked away. "I said goodbye already, yesterday." He paused, and added almost too softly for Kanda to hear him, "I wasn't sure I could do it again and still walk away."

"So don't," Kanda replied bluntly. "You didn't think I was actually going to just let you go, did you?"

"Damn it, Yuu!" Green eye blazing with anger and pain, Bookman looked up at him again. "We've been over this already! Why do you have to keep making this harder for me? I told you what the situation is!"

"Yes," Kanda agreed softly, his eyes narrowed. "You said it yourself. You didn't make the rules and you don't have to like them, but Bookman will enforce them. Except Bookman is gone." He felt a little guilty for being even partly relieved that the old man was dead, but it certainly did simplify their problem.

"Yeah, so?" the new Bookman retorted. "I'm the Bookman now. It doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything!" Kanda insisted. "The only one holding you to the rules now is you. So fuck the rules."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this from you of all people," Bookman said. "What happened to death before dishonour and all that samurai stuff? For a guy who comes from a society where it took a bloody civil war to change traditions and rules that had lasted a thousand years..."

"But we did change them," Kanda replied. "Not all changes for the better, arguably, but they were changed. Emperor Meiji is right about one thing; if Japan had continued to cling to the old ways to the exclusion of all else, it would have been destroyed by the modern world. What makes the Bookmen any different?"

The redhead stared at him, and Kanda could see the emotional struggle going on behind his attempts at a neutral mask. "You make it sound pretty, but the fact is I'd be doing it for selfish reasons, not because of some higher aim to improve the Bookman tradition," Bookman said at last.

"So? Be selfish for once in your damned life," Kanda growled. "Or don't, I don't really care. Either way, it doesn't matter. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

"You're serious. You're just going to follow me around whether I want you to or not?" Bookman asked incredulously. Kanda nodded. "Don't you have better things to do?"

Thinking of old vows and promises still to be kept, Kanda touched the tattoo on his chest briefly through his shirt. "I can do them while following you around as easily as I can while wandering aimlessly," he replied. "You're too important to me for me to give up on you. I thought I lost you once and it nearly killed me. I won't let it happen again. I love you."

Bookman turned and stared out at the sun as it crept over the horizon, his expression utterly blank. Kanda was slowly learning to read this new personality, and he was fairly certain the other man was thinking hard. Kanda stayed silent, letting him have the time to think. It wouldn't make a difference in the end.

Finally the redhead shrugged and started walking again without saying anything further. The message was clear; Kanda could follow if he wanted, but Bookman wasn't going to make it easy for him in any way.

Turning back briefly, Kanda grabbed his pack and slung it over his shoulder, grateful he'd taken the time earlier in the night to sift through the debris of the inn and find the lotus. It had survived the destruction intact, the case scratched but not broken. With that and Mugen, he had everything he couldn't live without.

He caught up quickly, and they walked in silence for a while. Kanda kept expecting the redhead to start talking; he'd never been able to stay quiet for long when they'd worked together in the Order. As the Bookman he seemed to have more discipline, or maybe he was just hoping not to encourage Kanda.

Well, two could play that game. Kanda wasn't about to let the other man pretend he wasn't there. "You're not going to start painting your face, are you?" he asked abruptly, picking the most inane topic he could think of just so the other man wouldn't have an excuse to start an argument.

"Huh?" He'd successfully startled Bookman; the redhead stared at him briefly as if he'd lost his mind, then laughed in understanding. "Oh, like the old panda, you mean? Nah. That was Wuen-lin's way of coping." He touched his eyepatch. "This is mine. We all do it differently."

"Wuen-lin?" Kanda repeated, puzzled for a moment.

The redhead gave him a wry smile. "There's only one Bookman, Yuu, and I'm it."

Digesting that, Kanda walked in silence for a few minutes. "So what will your successor call you when you die?" he finally asked. It was a rude question, but he was only polite when it suited him.

Bookman looked back at him for a long moment. "Deke," he admitted softly. "My real name is Deke."

"Deke." Kanda considered that. "Well, I got used to calling you Trey and I'm slowly getting used to you as the Bookman, I suppose I can get used to you being Deke, too."

"Yuu..." Bookman started warningly, but Kanda cut him off.

"Someone needs to remind you that you're still a human being," he said adamantly. "You can't cut yourself off from humanity completely, Deke. You might like to think you can, you might try your best, but you can't. Or you wouldn't love me."

He refused to allow even a hint of doubt to creep into his voice. It wasn't hard, because the last of his doubts about the redhead's feelings for him had been well and truly shattered the night before.

"Just..." Bookman sighed deeply, and raked a hand through his hair. Kanda waited, braced for the expected protest, half a dozen more arguments on the tip of his tongue. He wasn't going to lose this, at any cost. The other man was too important to him.

"Just don't call me that in public, okay?" Bookman concluded at last, surprising him.

"I promise, if you'll promise not to try to ditch me," Kanda retorted, suspicious of the easy capitulation. That was the one thing he was worried about; he had to sleep sooner or later, after all, and it wouldn't be that hard for Bookman to give him the slip.

Bookman eyed him warily, but finally smiled slightly. "Yeah, okay. I promise. Stubborn bastard," he said, almost affectionately. Reaching out, he twined his fingers tentatively through Kanda's, and Kanda closed his fingers around the redhead's in turn.

They walked on like that, eyes on the road before them and hands tightly joined, for a while before Bookman spoke again. "I do love you," he murmured, not looking at Kanda.

"I know," Kanda replied firmly. And that was all they needed to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what Bookman's real name is, I just went to the Wiki article on given names and grabbed the first Chinese one I saw. He may not even be Chinese, but given his general appearance, mannerisms, and his use of acupuncture, I think it's a safe bet that he's at least partly Chinese.
> 
> Lavi's 'name before the records' was given in the manga as 'Dikku', which the scanlator I read translated as 'Dikk'. It could also possibly be read 'Dick', which might make more sense as a name but doesn't sound quite the same. I prefer my own translation 'Deke' which I've seen used as a short form of Derek.
> 
>  **ETA:** Someone asked in the comments, so I went back and doublechecked the raw manga. (It's chapter 114, pages 10 and 11, for those who are wondering). Lavi refers to 'Deke' as 'mae no logu no namae de', which means 'name from the previous record', not 'name from before the records' which was how the scanlator I'd read had translated it. So Deke isn't his 'real' name after all, just the one he used before Lavi. Oh, well. I'll leave it as it is here, rather than making up something arbitrary.
> 
> I really need to start just reading the raws instead of being lazy and using the translations. *sweatdrops*


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